


Can't Go Back Now

by RedSneakers



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-11
Updated: 2014-02-11
Packaged: 2017-11-16 02:40:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 28,834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/534565
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RedSneakers/pseuds/RedSneakers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Emily realized that she might lose JJ forever. Was she going to resign to the fate of losing the only person she was ever truly in love with or was she going to fight?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Resignation

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Obviously not mine.. Emily wouldn't have left if it were.
> 
> A/N: unbeta-ed work, please pardon any mistakes. 
> 
> Have a good ride :)

Life is crap. Emily knew that all too well. She learnt about all the craps in the world since she was too young to remember. Disappointments over disappointments, lies over lies, hurts over hurts, she swallowed them all.

She was a tough woman. She never let her guard down. She never took her mask off even though all she wanted to do was to weep and break down. Her heart scarred from all the emotional wounds she got. And just recently the freshest wound, the one she was trying to stop from bleeding too much, cracked open again.

It was a usual night out with Garcia and Morgan. Everyone else was too busy to join them. The brunette was sitting on a high chair facing the door while Morgan and Garcia were dancing when she saw Special Agent Jennifer Jareau and Will appeared at the door. Emily didn’t flinch. As much as it hurt her to see them, she was trained too well not to show her emotions. Besides, the blond had long stopped being ‘JJ’ or ‘Jennifer’ for her. Not anymore. Not after the younger woman decided to ‘betray’ her and her friendship by hiding about Will and her pregnancy. She smiled sadly at that thought.

“Earth to Emily!” JJ playfully tapped Emily’s cheek. She looked glowing and happy.

Emily blinked, shuddered inside as she felt JJ’s hand on her face. The hand used to be warm. _Not anymore_ , she thought.

“What are you doing here, sulking like a pigeon?” JJ said. Before Emily could answer that, she continued, “Where are the others?”

The older woman nodded at the crowd. “Dancing,” She replied. She raised her glass to greet Will. The man smiled.

Garcia arrived at their table, flushed from dancing too much. She beamed when she saw JJ and Will and practically dragged the couple to join them.

“I’d rather stay and talk with Emily,” JJ said.

“No,” Emily cut in too fast. They looked at her as if she had grown another head. “Go ahead. I’m going to finish my drink and head home.”

JJ frowned, but she followed Garcia anyway.

Emily finished her beer. She was about to leave when she saw Will and JJ kissing on the dance floor. She felt numb. She heard a loud crash and she thought bitterly, _there goes my heart_.

“Emily, are you okay?” Garcia rushed to her side, looking worried.

Emily snapped out of her trance. Everyone was staring at her. She stared at the shattered glass before her.

She glanced towards the dance floor. JJ and Will were staring at her, too, but they made no effort of coming to see if she was okay. She sighed.

“I’m okay, Garcia. I just need some fresh air,” She said.

Garcia insisted to drive her home, but Emily refused. She wanted to be alone. The smart woman knew that something was off, but she didn’t want to push her friend, not in front of all those people, so she let her go.

“Call me when you’re home!” She called. Emily waved as an answer.

Emily walked along the pavement. She felt so trapped inside and she felt lost. Suddenly she laughed out loud. She didn’t care everyone was looking. She didn’t care if they thought she was crazy. She walked and laughed.

_It’s over, Prentiss_. She thought. _Everything is over_. At that very moment, she let her mask fell. A tear fell from her eyes. She hung her head low and whispered, “Bye JJ.” She wiped the tear and forced a smile. “Welcome home, Agent Jareau.”

With that, she bandaged her heart and shoved it inside her compartment.


	2. The Mask

Emily woke up with a start. She felt a sharp pain on her head and groaned. She cursed herself for drinking too much the night before. Her head was spinning when she tried to get up so she tried not to move at all.

She thought about the night before. The music, the drink, the pain, the cry, and the realization that she had lost the only person that meant the world to her. She sighed. She could feel tears began to well up in her eyes and she blinked angrily. _Get a grip, Prentiss!_ She scolded herself. She jumped out of the bed, completely ignoring the pounding in her head. She was about to take a shower when she realized that the pounding was not in her head at all. It was the door.

The brunette glanced at the alarm clock on her bedside table and frown. Who in the hell came at this hour? She walked downstairs and opened the door without peeping through the hole.

“You didn’t call me last night! I was worried sick!” an angry Penelope Garcia stormed into her living room.

“Why, good morning to you, too, Penelope,” Emily greeted. She closed the door behind her and followed the blond.

Garcia was about to say something when she saw how pale Emily was. She sighed. She knew something was so wrong with Emily, but the taller woman was a very private person. She doubted she could dig anything out of her, unless Emily herself was willing to open up to her. She watched the brunette walked past her to the kitchen.

“Coffee?” Emily offered. She was too tired to think of the reasons why Garcia came to her place. “I have some cereals in case you haven’t eaten.”

The blond snorted causing Emily to turn. “Cut the crap, Prentiss. What is the hell wrong with you?”

Emily tilted her head. She frowned. “What do you mean?” She asked.

Garcia cursed inside. She knew that Emily wouldn’t crack a thing to her. But she continued anyway, “What do _I_ mean? You know what _I_ mean! You were drunk last night. And you went away without saying anything. You said you were gonna call, but you didn’t. Now you ask me what _I_ mean! You tell me!”

Emily said nothing. She leaned against the wall. Her head was still pounding and she felt like a wreck. But she still looked so calm on the outside that Garcia really wanted to rip that mask off her face. She took a sip of her coffee. “I drank too much,” Emily finally said calmly.

“Right,” Garcia mocked. “That’s new.”

“And I forgot to call,” the older woman continued as if Garcia hadn’t said anything.

Garcia sighed in frustration. “Whatever,” she said. There was no use trying to make an Emily Prentiss to tell her anything she didn’t want to. She knew too well that her friend was well trained for it. And she personally blamed Elizabeth Prentiss for damaging her daughter like that.

Emily shrugged. She put her mug on the counter. “I have to get ready for work,” She pointed. The slender woman walked upstairs, completely ignoring her friend.

Garcia sat on the leather couch, staring blankly at the marvellous view outside the window. The conversation didn’t turn out well, but she had expected that. Emily was always so warm towards everyone in the team, she was always there for them, but what did they know about her life? Besides the fact that her mother is the Ambassador, nothing. The woman felt rather guilty about that. Was she being a good friend? She thought.

It didn’t take long for Emily to get ready. She put on her most ‘FBI like’ outfit, clipped her gun, made sure that she had put that extra foundation to hide the black circle under her eyes, and headed downstairs. “Let’s go,” she called.

_Here goes nothing_. 


	3. Chapter 3

Emily's body tensed up as they approached the building. She was grateful Garcia had insisted on driving. She was too tired to drive and she needed the time to think. She threw a glance at Garcia, certainly thankful that the tech goddess kept silent. She closed her eyes.  _Breathe, Prentiss._  She told herself.

Garcia kept watching Emily through her peripheral vision while concentrating on the street. She didn't miss the tension that built up on the woman beside her as she parked her car on her regular spot, beside JJ's SUV. She turned off the ignition and turned to face Emily. She was amazed to see the change in Emily's expression. The brunette had looked so beat up and now, as she opened her eyes, Emily Prentiss was nothing less than perfect.  _Yeah_ , Garcia thought bitterly,  _if you consider expressionless as perfect_.

They got out the car and rushed to the elevator. There are a lot of people inside, but they were managed to squeeze in. Garcia noticed that several male agents were eyeing her friends but her friend was completely oblivious to it. Emily was too busy preparing for another day at work to notice.

She bade Garcia goodbye as she made her way to the bullpen. She put her coat and headed to get some coffee. Morgan and Reid were yet to come. She poured the black stuff into her mug and jumped in surprise when someone called her.

"Shit!" She cursed as she spilled the hot liquid on her shirt. She turned and muttered the same curse under her breath when she saw JJ.

The blonde woman approached her. "Sorry Emily. Didn't mean to scare you like that," She apologized.

Emily shook her head. "No, it's okay," She said. She backed a few steps away from JJ, pretending to find something for the coffee stain. "What's up?" She asked.

JJ smiled. It's been long since she had the chance to be alone with Emily. She liked talking with the older woman. "Nothing new, really. Henry is an amazing baby, and Will has been very helpful."

At the mention of Will's name Emily flinched a little, unnoticed by JJ who was still busy talking about how the man was being an angel and all. She didn't respond. She couldn't. She felt a pang of sadness stabbing her heart. She knew JJ was in love with the detective, and she knew that the baby was her life; still it didn't lessen the pain Emily felt. She tried to smile encouragingly at JJ and was glad when Reid popped his head in the room.

"Morning, ladies. Hotch is waiting for us in the conference room," He announced. He frowned a bit. "Emily, you spilled your coffee," The young man stated.

Emily smiled, the first real smile she had that day. "I know, Reid," She said. Emily glanced at JJ. The blonde was rolling her eyes.  _She looks cute when she does that_ , Emily thought, her expression softened a little. Then she saw the ring on JJ's finger and she felt like being hit by a truck. She stopped the thought and put the mask back on.

Both women followed Reid to the conference room. Emily took the seat between Rossi and Morgan, consciously avoiding sitting beside JJ. Hotch was the one who presented the case that day. Emily kept silent during the whole briefing. She was thinking about her ability to shove all her feelings inside. She used to be so sure about it, not anymore.  _Maybe because your feelings for Agent Jareau is too big for your compartments, Miss Prentiss_ , a small voice in her head suggested. She blinked.  _Shut up!_  She growled back. Emily was so deep in her thought and she didn't realize that the briefing was over. She was startled when Morgan tapped her shoulder.

"Prentiss, hey, wake up girl," The dark man teased. "Briefing's over."

"Huh? Wha.. Oh, right," Emily replied, embarrassed for not paying attention to the briefing.

Morgan helped her collecting her files from the table. "Wheels up in twenty," He kindly reminded his friend before leaving the room. Garcia was right; there was something wrong with the brunette. And he was going to find out.


	4. Chapter 4

The case had taken a toll on Emily. Four victims, brutally raped and murdered, all children. The woman felt like hell every night when Hotch said to call it a day. The progress was extremely slow. They had spent three days with no luck whatsoever and Emily was frustrated. The only connection they had was that the children were all born in January.

The brunette sighed in frustration. They had arrived in the hotel about two hours before and she had no luck falling asleep. She looked around the room, feeling somewhat trapped. She headed to the mini bar and frowned when all she could find there was three small bottles of whiskey. She hated the burning taste of the stuff, but she reached for one anyway. She tried not to throw a glance towards the pile of empty bottles on the table.  _Fool_ , she scolded herself, _you should've thrown them out_.

She sat on her bed with head hung low. Emily hadn't been able to sleep since they came there. Every single night of their stay she had stayed awake, drinking, thinking about the case, thinking about someone she'd rather forget, thinking about her job, thinking about her life. She felt so tired. She wanted so badly for the team to solve the case, she wanted to shove JJ out of the picture, and she wanted nothing to do with Special Agent Jennifer Jareau.

Emily had been avoiding JJ since they arrived. She was so grateful that Hotch asked her to team up with Rossi to work on the victimology. The senior agent was nothing more than all business when it came to the case, and that meant no curious looks or questions about her personal life. At least not yet. She knew that Morgan had kept an eye on her. She realized that she had been working like a zombie on that case, but really put all her efforts to solve it. She also knew that it was only a matter of time before the dark man confronted her for her behavior. Emily shook her head sadly.

She blamed JJ for coming back after that maternity leave. She was fine when JJ was on her leave, whatever the word 'fine' meant. She knew Jordan Todd wasn't as good as the blonde in doing her job, but at least when Todd was around Emily didn't have to suffer. At least when JJ was out of sight, she had the room she needed to breathe.

Emily emptied the bottle in two big gulps. She felt her throat burning as the liquid went down her system. The pain caused some tears she had held fell from her eyes. She wiped the tears angrily. Crying was the last thing she needed. She threw the empty bottle to the trash can on the corner of the room, and reached for another one. This time, the burning sensation had gone and the woman emptied it effortlessly; her feelings had numbed her senses.

The profiler was about to throw the thing away but she changed her mind. She rolled herself on the bed and curled up, putting the bottle in front of her. She stared blankly at the bottle.  _Poor thing_ , she thought, _everyone puts anything they like inside you and you don't even have the chance to voice out what you want. And after they use you up, after they empty you up, they throw you away. Because you're worthless_. She picked it up, and she got on her feet, picking the first bottle out of the trash can, and put them along with the bottles she had put on the table the previous days.

"There you go," she mumbled to herself.

Emily lay back on her bed. She felt so empty.  _You're no better than an empty bottle, Emily Prentiss_ , she said. She felt a hot drop of liquid on her skin, followed by more drops. She was too tired to stop herself from crying so she just gave in to the heave of sobs. She bit her lower lip as not to make a single sound. After a while, the storm passed. Emily felt so weak, yet the crying couldn't seem to bring her to deep slumber. She sighed.  _Maybe another bottle will help_ , she thought bitterly. She stood up, fighting up the dizziness that hit her head hard.

When she almost opened the last Whiskey she got, she heard a soft knock on the door. Emily glanced to the wall clock and frowned. It was almost two in the morning. She rolled her eyes in frustration.  _It must be Morgan_. She took a deep breath, headed to the door, Whiskey bottle still in hand, and flung the door open.

"JJ!"


	5. Chapter 5

JJ didn't know why she decided to come to Emily's room. She shifted from foot to foot and had considered to go back to her room when she heard the door clicked open.

"JJ!" A very surprised Emily exclaimed.

JJ blinked a few times at the sight before her. Emily was a mess. There was no sign of her usual faultless appearance. The older woman was still wearing the same suit she wore the previous day and the suit was crumpled, as if she had been rolling on the floor with it. Her eyes were bloodshot and there was a hint of liquor in her breath. JJ glanced at her hand; Emily was holding a bottle of whiskey. She frowned. Emily hated whiskey and the blonde knew that.

Emily was more than surprised to see JJ in front of her hotel room. She didn't move a bit, carefully hiding the whiskey behind her, but from the frowned that formed on JJ's face, she knew it was a useless effort.

"May I come in?" JJ asked in a small voice. She was unsure if she was doing the right thing. She could feel Emily eyeing her for a moment before giving a shrug and letting her in. She walked into the room and immediately spotted the lines of bottles on the table and she was startled by them. She knew that her friend liked drinking, but Emily usually avoided alcohol during a case. The woman usually drank in her own time. JJ heard the door shut behind her and she turned around.

Emily didn't move from where she stood. Her right hand was still holding the handle of the door as if she was looking for escape. "What do you want?" She asked in a raw voice.

JJ sat at the end of the bed. "I... I just want to talk," she answered. She had never seen Emily like this before and she wondered what was wrong with her friend.

"Talk?" Emily frowned. "It's two in the morning and you want to 'talk'?" Emily snickered. "What do you think I am? A school girl? What do you really want?" Emily was very tired. She couldn't think clearly, thanks to the whiskey, and she didn't want to have this conversation, any conversations, with Agent Jareau.

The younger woman blinked in disbelieved at Emily's response. She didn't know this side of Emily. All she knew was that Emily was always a friendly and sensitive woman. But the words she heard from her was far from it. It was cold and filled with raw emotion. Then maybe you don't know her that well, JJ, a small voice said to her. It was the alcohol talking, she said to herself.

The profiler raised her eyebrows, "Well?" She challenged.

JJ took a deep breath, "I just want to know what is wrong with you, Emily," she said. "No, don't cut me just yet." She cut in when she saw Emily opened her mouth. "You're not yourself lately. You didn't joke around with Morgan and Reid anymore, you didn't talk to me anymore, you hardly say a thing to anyone except regarding the case, you drank your coffee more than you drank water, and these..." She pointed to the bottles, "These are not you at all!"

Emily smiled sadly. It was difficult for her to keep focused on what JJ was saying. Her presence in her room was almost too much to bear. She wanted to just push JJ out of her room and be left alone. But at the same time, she wanted to tell the blonde how much pain she had caused her and have her fixed it.

"Are you done?" Emily said after a long pause. "If you are, just... get out of my room. I'm tired."

The blonde's eyes widened. She was worried about Emily and all she get was 'get out of my room'? JJ was tired as well, and she was infuriated by Emily's reply.

"'Get out of your room'? That's all that you can say? Emily, for God's sake, I'm worried about you. Everyone is worried about you!" She spat.

That very moment, Emily couldn't hold it any longer. She threw the bottle in her hand to the carpeted floor and marched towards JJ. She grabbed the blonde's arm and growled with her teeth clenched, "For God's sake, just leave!" She dragged JJ halfway to the door before JJ managed to pull herself from the grip.

JJ felt a sharp pain on her left arm but she shook the pain away. Emily scared her. "Emily Prentiss! What the hell is wrong with you?" JJ's voice rose.

"Nothing is wrong with me, Agent Jareau. Now if you please leave me alone, go back to your damn room, call your fucking fiancé, and just... go have fun with him or something," Emily didn't realize she said those words until she heard JJ gasped.

"Why did you bring Will into this?" JJ asked. She was angry at Emily at the time that she didn't catch the hint of sadness in her friend's voice. "He has nothing to do with this."

"Because!" Emily yelled. She shook her head and said, "Why did you come here, Agent Jareau? Why did you even come back?"

The blonde said nothing. She was pissed. She cursed herself for coming to Emily's room and confronted her. And JJ was hurt. Emily kept calling her 'Agent Jareau' for a reason she couldn't think of.

The brunette continued sadly, "Everything was fine when Todd was here. You shouldn't have come back." She was talking to herself, completely forgot that JJ was still in the room. The alcohol had taken control over her. She raised her head to meet JJ's cold blue eyes and felt a stab of pain inside. "I wish you had never come back," She whispered.

"Then maybe you should go to your Mommy Strauss and ask her to transfer me out. She's got you in, hasn't she?" Mocked JJ. She didn't mean to bring Strauss into this because she knew that it would hurt Emily badly. But the brunette had brought Will into this first. But the moment she said it, JJ regretted it. A glimpse of something she didn't recognize flashed on Emily's eyes. And she waited for the brunette to explode.

JJ's last words had given Emily the last blow. She didn't react. Instead, the brunette straightened herself, held her head high, walked to the door and opened it. "Please leave my room, Agent Jareau," she said, just above a whisper.

Emily's face showed no emotion and JJ felt a shiver down her spine. It was like looking at a mask. JJ knew that she had put the mask there and she felt so awful. She walked to the door, stopped right in front of Emily, and forced herself to look at the emotionless eyes. Tears welled up in her own eyes as she whispered, "I'm so sorry, Emily."

As Emily shut the door behind her, she heard a muffled sob from outside. She didn't move. She stared at the empty bottles on the table for a long time. Emily slumped on the floor with her back leaning on the door.

I can't do this anymore was her last thought, before she gave up to a deep slumber.


	6. Chapter 6

Hotch glanced up as Emily walked past him to the pantry with a mug on her hand. She was refilling her coffee again. Hotch almost jumped out of his chair when suddenly Morgan leaned next to him.

"That's four," the younger profiler stated. He took a chair closest to Hotch and sat down.

Hotch glared angrily at his fellow agent. "Jesus, Morgan! Did you really have to do that?" The unit chief said. Morgan gave him an apologetic smile. "What's four?"

Morgan shrugged. "The number of times Prentiss refilled her coffee for the past two hours," he replied. "Don't tell me you didn't notice." The dark profiler took a quick look at his fellow teammate. Emily surely looked paler day after day.

Hotch glanced at Emily's direction again. The woman looked beat, he had to admit. "Well, it is a hard case," he said, the frown on his face deepened because he realized how true his words were. They had not made any significant progress so far and it had been four days. "Maybe she's just tired. You know, cases with children always have a toll on her."

The dark agent raised his eyebrows. "Come on, Hotch. That girl over there is more than 'just tired'. I mean it. Something is troubling her. Garcia said she has been acting really weird lately."

The older man was almost unable to suppress a smile when Garcia's name was mentioned. "Derek," he said, "You and Garcia should really learn to stop gossiping." He chuckled. Morgan opened his mouth to protest when Hotch continued, "Look, I can't just call her and ask her if something is bothering her. She does her job perfectly. I'll talk to JJ about it, she might know something. Okay? Now let's just get back to work. This Unsub 's driving me crazy."

Morgan nodded. He grabbed his files and left his boss alone. He surely would text Garcia and tell the tech goddess that he had successfully talked Hotch into talking to JJ about Prentiss. He grinned. My baby girl must be proud of me, he thought happily.

JJ sat alone at the far end of the rectangular table. She couldn't help feeling guilty for what she did the previous night. She eyed Emily from her side vision and saw that the taller woman looked very calm and controlled, as if she hadn't been drinking the night before. The only hint that the woman didn't have enough rest was the black circle under her eyes. JJ kept blaming herself for bringing the thing with Strauss into their argument. It was very low of her and she realized that. But she mentioned Will first, she tried to justify herself.

The blonde frowned. She still didn't understand why Emily had mentioned Will. She began to wonder what was going on in her friend's mind. I have to find out, she said to herself. But you have to apologize first, Agent Jareau. JJ felt a shiver as the small voice in her head called her 'Agent Jareau'. She glanced desperately at Emily. The brunette had been avoiding her since breakfast. She sighed. Apologizing would not be easy.

Emily was halfway into drinking her coffee when she heard Hotch calling JJ. She didn't even take her eyes off the files she was pretending to read when the blonde walked past her. Emily felt numb inside. She wouldn't allow her feelings to get in the way of her work. After this case, she reminded herself. Now you need to focus, Prentiss. She straightened herself up and drank up her coffee. She closed the door to her personal thought and began to focus on the files.

After what it seemed like forever, JJ and Hotch got out of the briefing room at the corner of the police department. The blonde looked annoyed and Hotch certainly didn't look pleased himself. Emily frowned. Subconsciously she was still paying attention of what JJ did. And she wasn't pleased of herself. She began to think that her mother had raised a loser in the honorable household of Prentiss family, and she chuckled at that thought. Right.

Suddenly Detective Landon, the chief detective on the case, hurried to the office. "We've got another one!" He said in alarm.

"What?" Hotch practically jumped out of his chair, knocking the wooden thing down in the process. "David, you take Reid to the victim's house. JJ, get Garcia on the phone. Prentiss, Morgan, you're with me."

"I don't understand," Emily said slowly on their way to the crime scene, she looked so lost and determined at the same time. "With all the Amber alerts and the news and the warnings… how come parents just let their children wander alone like that?"

"They just didn't think that this could happen to their children," replied Hotch grimly. "Stupid of them." He pulled over when he saw flashes of red and blue. The three of them jumped out of the vehicle.

Emily felt a chill down her spine as she saw the crime scene. It was gruesome, the sight in front of her. The copper smell of blood hung in the air, suffocating her. Emily took a few steps forward to have a better look on the victim and suddenly she regretted it.

The girl was no older than eight. She has blonde hair, a very pretty little girl. She felt tears of anger welled up in her eyes. How could anyone do this to children? She asked herself bitterly. She was about to move closer when Hotch called her.

"Garcia sent us a satellite photo. The only vehicle around this area at the time was a white SUV," Hotch briefed her. The man eyed Emily worriedly, but Emily didn't seem to be aware of that. "She's watching where the SUV was going and she'll send JJ the information. I want you and Morgan to follow up the lead. Keep in touch with JJ; she'll be feeding us information."

Emily groaned. This just keeps getting better, she cursed. She headed to their rented SUV. Morgan had already waited for her.

"Hop in, Prentiss. We're on a chase," Morgan called. He smiled encouragingly to his friend. He waited until Emily was ready, then he started the ignition. "Call JJ. See if Garcia has already sent her something."

Emily almost rolled her eyes, but she stopped herself. She dialed JJ's number. And as she heard a soft voice at the other end, Emily became all business. "Any lead?" She asked without properly addressing JJ. She listened for a while, "Okay." With that, she hung up. She threw a glare at Morgan as if challenging him to ask her anything. He didn't and Emily felt relieved. She told Morgan what Garcia found.

The dark man hit the pedal to their destination and let Emily informed Hotch and the rest of the team. They arrived in no time at a big warehouse. "That's the SUV," Morgan pointed. Emily was about to get out of the car when the dark man stopped her. "Hey, hey, girl! We should wait for backup."

"No, we might lose him again," said Emily. She stepped out of the vehicle, gun drawn, ignoring Morgan.

"Shit!" Morgan jumped out of the car and followed her. Emily had walked so fast that he couldn't keep up with her. It was the first time Emily acted so reckless and the man seriously feared for her safety. The profiler had only walked a few steps when he heard a gunshot from the back of the warehouse. "Prentiss!" He called. Morgan ran fast to the source of the gunshot, praying that Emily was fine.

Emily was pinning a man against the wall. His face bruised and his right leg was bleeding. Morgan pointed his gun at them. "Prentiss, let him go!" He ordered. Emily didn't budge. "Prentiss," he called again.

The brunette glanced sideway but she didn't loosen her grip. The man was howling in pain. "Get her off me!" He cried. "I didn't do nothing!"

Morgan sighed in relief when he heard the sirens. Hotch and Rossi were the first to arrive and they were shocked to see Emily like that. Hotch took a step forward, he clipped his gun back to its holster and raised his hand.

"Prentiss," he said in a low voice. He took another step forward. "Let him go." And another step. "We've got him. Let him go. Please, Emily," Hotch stopped just a couple of feet away. He extended his arm.

As she heard Hotch calling her by her first name, Emily loosened her grip. She took a step backward and let the wounded man be taken by Morgan and Rossi. She heard the old man cursed and called her 'bitch', but she didn't care. She couldn't think clearly.

Hotch took her gun and guided the brunette to his car. "Come on," he said softly, as if talking to a child. "Let's get you home." He was certain now that something was very wrong with Emily. The unit chief looked at Rossi who was searching the white SUV. The senior agent shook his head grimly. He sighed.

They got the wrong man.


	7. Chapter 7

The first thing Hotch did when they got to the station was putting Emily in the interrogation room. He placed an officer to guard her and gave his team a strict order not to go inside and talk with the brunette.

JJ was everything but pleased about that. Morgan filled her in by phone earlier and she really wanted to comfort her friend. The blonde confronted her boss the moment he hung up from the phone. "You can't do that to her!" She growled in a low voice; her instinct to protect Emily kicked in. "Hotch, Emily is not a criminal; you can't treat her like one!"

Hotch turned to face the press liaison. His eyes flashed with anger and he spat back, "What do you expect me to do, JJ? Prentiss," he pointed his finger at the interrogation room, "Shot an innocent man! Do you expect me to give her a pat on the back, smile to her, and let her go with it? Do you expect me to just forget it and go on with the investigation?" Hotch used all his self-control not to yell at JJ in front of the people. He was frustrated himself by the condition. His hands were tied and he hated himself for not being able to do the one thing he wanted to do: helping Emily.

"That man is not innocent!" JJ's voice rose a bit. She could see some officers turned their head to watch the show but she couldn't care less. "That son of a bitch Emily shot was a drug dealer. He is not innocent!"

Rossi tapped the unit chief on the shoulder before he could say a word. "What!?" He turned to Rossi angrily.

"You don't want to have this conversation here," the senior agent reminded.

"Don't tell me what I want or don't want, David!" Replied Hotch. "That man Prentiss shot might be guilty of drug-dealing, but we ARE NOT handling a drug-dealing case at the moment!" Now Hotch didn't bother to lower his voice at all.

Rossi nodded at Morgan to take JJ with him. The last thing they needed was for the team to break now. Morgan held JJ's arm, gently tugging the blonde to follow him. JJ didn't resist. She wanted to slap Hotch for being a heartless bastard, but she knew deep down that it wasn't Hotch's fault. The blonde let Morgan guide her to a chair facing the interrogation room.

She could see Emily from where she sat and her heart broke at the sight before her. Emily looked so lost. The usually confident profiler now sat with her shoulders sagged in defeat. The woman kept staring at the table in front of her with no emotions showed on her face. JJ was scared for her. The woman in the room wasn't Emily she knew. She wasn't the woman she loved. JJ didn't even realize that she thought about that.

A moment later, after talking – or having another argument – with Rossi, Hotch walked into the interrogation room alone. He dismissed the guard and closed the blinds so they would have privacy.

Emily didn't lift her head as Hotch took a seat in front of her, not until the man called her name softly. She lifted her head to meet Hotch's sad gaze and she regretted losing control like that earlier. On the way to the station Hotch had spoken on the phone, and she was half listening because parts of her mind refused to cooperate with her. But she knew well enough that they got the wrong person. No, she corrected herself, I got the wrong person and my team will now suffer the consequences.

"I'm sorry, Hotch," Emily said at last with a small voice.

Hotch shook his head. He cut in before Emily could say more. His voice was so soft that Emily wanted to cry. "I really want to say that everything is okay, Emily," the man said. "But you know I can't, and you know that it isn't okay."

There was a moment of silence before the dark-haired man continued, "Assistant Director Strauss called earlier." He flinched as he mentioned his boss' name. "She wanted me to send you back for psych eval, and..." the man hesitated, "to dismiss you from duty until further notice."

Emily gave his boss a sad understanding smile. She had expected that to happen. Strauss hated her because she refused to be her personal puppet and she knew the woman would take every chance she got to get back at Emily.

"As for the man you shot," Hotch said more softly when he didn't get any reaction from Emily. "I have talked with Detective Landon about it. The man would be charged for drug-dealing." He noticed a confused look on Emily's face. "Morgan raided the warehouse with a few local officers and they found packets of heroine ready to be distributed." The man explained.

"Now, Emily," he called. "Would you please tell me what's bothering you?" He was uncertain that Emily would answer that. He knew all too well that his female agent was nothing but private.

The brunette straightened her sitting position, and Hotch was appalled to see that her face was of no emotions. Prentiss' mask, he thought bitterly. He wouldn't be able to get anything out of her. He had known Emily since the woman was a teenager, and he knew how Ambassador Prentiss had taught her. More like destroying her, he thought irately. He wouldn't be surprised if someone broke Emily's arm in now and she didn't scream.

"Emily?"

The woman sighed bitterly inside. Maybe this is for the best, Prentiss, she said to herself. This way, she wouldn't have to face JJ again ever. She would have her peace of mind, or so she thought. She rose from her chair, followed by a confused Agent Hotchner. "You will have my resignation paper on your desk when you return." She extended her hand, "Thank you for everything, Sir. I appreciate it."

She opened the door and walked out. Hotch didn't move a bit. He was too surprised to do anything. He had expected Emily to be angry, to say how unfair his decision was. He didn't expect her to be so calm and reserved. He shook himself out of his shock and hurried out to see Emily walking out without saying anything to anyone.

"Prentiss!" He called out. Emily didn't stop. Either she didn't hear Hotch calling her or she pretended not to hear. Hotch suspected it was the second.

JJ followed Hotch. She wanted to know what happened. She wanted Hotch to explain why Emily had looked so grim when she stepped out of the room. "Hotch, what happened?"

Hotch looked around his team. "She resigned her post," he said in disbelief.

The blonde liaison gasped. She felt as if the world had shattered around her. She grabbed her coat and ran after Emily.

No, no, please no, her mind raced. When she got out of the station, Emily was nowhere in sight. She jumped into her rented SUV and stepped on the pedal.

I can't lose her like this.


	8. Chapter 8

Emily was grateful that she wasn't a clutter. Everything was folded neatly beside her ready bag and it took only a few minutes to pack everything up. She had been suppressing her urge to cry from the moment she left the station, but a strong voice inside her head kept reminding her not to. There will be plenty of time to do that later, Prentiss.

The woman was halfway into rechecking her suitcase when she heard a knock on the door. More like a bang, she thought. She ignored the knock-bang and continued with the packing.

"Emily," a rather desperate voice called from outside the room. "Emily, open the door!"

Emily sighed tiredly. JJ was the last person she wanted to see. But she had to leave the room sooner or later, and she knew the blonde well enough to know that she would not leave her alone. Not before she got her way. After taking a few deep breaths, Emily walked to the door and swung it open.

"What do you want, Agent Jareau?" The brunette said harshly.

JJ was startled to hear the coldness in her friend's voice. She didn't expect that angry tone at all, at least not directed to her. JJ hesitated for a sec before she walked into the room. She looked at Emily's packed bag sadly.

"Are you leaving?" She asked, and she wanted to hit herself for asking the obvious.

Emily shrugged. She flung the door and it slammed shut in a loud thud, making JJ flinch a little. "My leaving is nothing to do with you," the brunette replied coldly. She still avoiding JJ's gaze. The woman stood in front of the door with her arms folded in her chest as if she needed a barrier between herself and JJ.

JJ frowned. "Of course it has something to do with me!" She said, anger and frustration showed in her voice. "Your leaving has everything to do with me!"

"Yeah?" Emily scoffed. She bit her lower lip and after a while, continued, "Well, you get what you wanted, huh?"

The blonde shook her head. She wasn't sure she followed their conversation right. And when the younger woman didn't give a respond, the brunette gave a sinister laugh which made JJ winced.

"Apparently, my Mommy Strauss kicked out the wrong – or most probably the right – agent," Emily said in pretence happiness. She saw JJ cringed a little when she said that. "Now you need not worry, Agent Jareau. Starting from now, you don't have to see my gloomy face anymore and you can live a fucking happily ever after life with that fiancé of yours!"

This time, JJ noticed something other than anger in Emily's voice as she said the word 'fiancé'. She didn't recognize it, but she was dying to know what that was. "Emily," she said calmly. "Why did you always bring Will into this?" She looked straight into the pool of brown eyes in front of her. Again, JJ noticed a flash of dislike in the brunette's eyes as she mentioned Will's name.

"Because I wanted to!" Emily snapped. She tried to avoid looking at JJ's blue orbs, but she couldn't look away.

"Is it... Is it because I didn't tell you about him at first? Were you... are you still mad at me because I hid my pregnancy?" She hesitated. She really wanted to know what was inside that pretty head. And her heart sank as Emily scoffed.

"Why would I care that he knocked you up?" Emily said. She was exhausted and this conversation was heading nowhere. Nowhere I would like it to head, obviously, she thought miserably. "Look, I don't know if you have nothing else to do today, but I have a plane to catch." The profiler said, desperately wanted to get out of the situation.

She walked past JJ and was about to grab her suitcase when she felt JJ's hand around her arm, pulling her to face the woman she always cared about. She couldn't breathe. JJ was in her personal space, and she needed that space.

"Don't you dare walk away from me, Emily Prentiss!" JJ growled. She was really pissed now. All this excruciating avoidance needed to be stopped that very moment. "I didn't know what the fuck is wrong with you besides that you've been avoiding me and acting like you don't know me at all! I deserve an explanation, Emily. I'm your friend!"

Emily broke free from JJ's grip. She took a few steps backwards as she needed a distance between them. "Friend? Friend? Right!" She was pacing around the room, completely forgetting JJ's existence. "What kind of friends is it that hides the fact that she was fucking someone? What kind of friends is it that hides a very important thing like being pregnant? Now you tell me, Agent Jareau," the tall profiler glared at JJ. "What kind of friends that is."

The blonde was angry as well. She clenched her teeth and snarled, "Stop calling me Agent Jareau! I am not the issue here, Emily. It's you! You and your having problem about me being private is the issue! I didn't even tell Garcia about it and I know her before you even existed in my realm!" She groaned in irritation. "For God's sake, Emily, just tell me what your really fucking problem is!"

Emily was on the edge of her self-control and she decided to let go. "You really want to know what my fucking problem is?" She said in a dangerous tone. She grabbed JJ and placed an angry kiss on her lips. "That, Agent Jareau, is my fucking problem!"

JJ startled as she felt Emily's soft lips on hers. Every nerve in her body jolted as if she was electrocuted. She didn't expect the kiss at all. She couldn't say a word. Her mouth was agape and she stepped backwards without even realizing it, and sadly Emily took it as a sign of rejection.

The brown-eyed woman sighed in defeat. Her voice was full of emotions when she whispered slowly, "Disgusted with me yet?"

The blonde didn't answer. She couldn't. She was still spellbound by the kiss. Emily sighed. She was hurt and she felt so dirty. So she did the only thing she knew. Emily took her bag and smiled sadly at JJ. "Goodbye Jennifer."

JJ didn't move from her standing position until after a while. And when she did overcome the beautiful feeling she felt when Emily's lips were on hers, she realized that Emily wasn't in the room anymore. The older woman had left. She vaguely remembered what Emily said after the kiss and she cursed herself for not being able to react.

She touched her lips with her finger and wept. What have I done?


	9. Chapter 9

"Meeting you was fate, becoming your friend was a choice, but falling in love with you I had no control over."

-Anonymous-

Emily didn't bother turning on her phone again when she arrived in D.C. She suspected that Morgan had told Garcia about it, and the computer tech would have tried to contact her. She didn't want to talk to Garcia. But mostly, she didn't want to know if JJ had tried contacting her. She doubted the press liaison would do that. Not after the kiss.

The brunette scolded herself for kissing JJ. She knew she shouldn't have done it. It's not like I could control it, she made an excuse to herself. Well, Prentiss, you should have had control! No one in Prentiss' family has no control over themselves, another voice replied angrily. Emily sighed. "What can I say, I'm the family greatest loser," she muttered to herself, silencing whosever voice it was speaking to her.

She grabbed a taxi and headed home. She longed to be at her own house, in her own room, and in her own bed. Her house had somehow offered her a security she couldn't find elsewhere. It was always welcoming, and it never judged her.

Once Emily was at home, the first thing she did was to see her answering machine. Her eyes grew wide in surprise to see that she got one hundred messages in. She was hesitating a second before pressing the 'delete all messages' button but she pushed the button anyway.

She headed to her not-so-mini bar and poured a glass of wine. A part of herself wanted her to just stop drinking and just move on with her life, but another part wanted her to drown her sorrow and just forget about what happened in the past few days.

When Emily finally went to bed, she had left an empty bottle on her coffee table. I hate myself was the last thing she remembered thinking before she got her sleep.

After finally able to stop crying, JJ called Hotch and told him Emily had already left. The unit chief's voice was grim and all he said was a single "Oh." JJ then asked for his permission not to head back to the station because she had a headache. She knew he knew that she was lying but she didn't care. She was relieved when the man said "Okay" in the same grim tone.

JJ stayed in Emily's room. She climbed the bed and grabbed a pillow. The sheet had Emily's scent lingered there and JJ's eyes were filled with tears. JJ blamed herself for letting Emily go without saying anything at all. And now Emily thinks I hate her, she thought sadly. She couldn't think. She was confused. The blonde had not expected Emily to kiss her like that. JJ touched her lips with her fingers. She couldn't help thinking that just a few hours before; a very soft pair of lips was pressed on hers. She felt her cheeks burning. The blonde buried her head in the pillow and regretted doing so as Emily's scent overwhelmed her senses. She groaned.

To JJ's surprise, she wasn't disgusted at all with the kiss. The kiss felt so... natural. And the young agent couldn't help but comparing it to Will's kiss. The man was a good kisser, of course. But his lips weren't as soft as Emily's. JJ flushed as she realized that she was actually wondering how it would feel if she and Emily had a 'real' kiss. She shook the thought. You have a son and a fiancé! She reminded herself. And you're not gay, a small voice added in the back of her head. She felt a sharp pain piercing her heart as the thought came. "It isn't Emily's fault if she's gay!" She growled at the voice. Yes, but still, you are not gay. The blonde liaison cried again when the voice replied. She didn't want to hear that because now she wasn't so sure about that anymore.

Hotch was so angry at himself for sending Emily away. He blamed himself for telling Emily what Strauss wanted. I should have insisted on having her here! He said to himself. He looked around the ever so busy office and saw that his team was actually doing nothing.

He had given everyone an order to keep working on the case. But he could see that all everyone did was checking their phones over and over again. He knew that despite his order, Morgan had tried to contact Emily's phone and had Garcia trace the signal. He also knew that even though Rossi looked so indifferent, the senior agent had been sending the brunette hundreds of text messages as he kept checking his mailbox for any new messages. He knew that the only reason Reid had stopped asking him if he had heard from Emily was because he gave him a frustration glare about an hour before, and the genius was too afraid of him. He knew everyone had been trying to contact the brunette... because he did so himself.

The unit chief had been so deep in thoughts that at first he didn't hear Detective Landon called him. His frown deepened as the middle-aged detective told him that their last victim was not their victim after all. His heart sank as Landon told him that his forensics team found their 'innocent' man DNA under the little girl's nail.

He looked helplessly at his team who stood there with shocked looks. Emily was innocent. She got the right guy... for the wrong case. And what did he do? Instead of protecting the fragile agent, he sent her to the mouth of the lion.

He didn't say anything when Morgan gave him a disgusted look and reached for his phone as he walked away. "Garcia, it's me."

"Then..." Reid began uncertainly, "then what do we do now?"

Hotch sat back and buried his face in his hands. He couldn't say anything. He closed his eyes. JJ's angry look flashed in front of him along with Emily's blank expression and his heart broke. He had disappointed JJ and he had betrayed Emily.

"Hotch, what do we do now?" Reid demanded. The youngest agent had thought that their chief wasn't supposed to dismiss Emily from duty and he wanted the man to make everything right again.

"Hotch," Rossi reminded. "You have to call Strauss and tell her about it." The senior agent continued, "And we must bring Emily back here."

The dark-haired agent lifted his head and saw Rossi in the eye. "I betrayed her, Dave."

"And this is the time to make it up to her," replied the Italian man. He handed the younger agent the phone. As Hotch picked the thing up and dialed some numbers, Rossi took his coat. "Don't forget to call JJ."

"I'll do it," Reid said happily, finally having something to do. The genius frowned when he saw Rossi walked out of the office. "Where are you going?"

Rossi smiled, "I'm picking up Emily."

"I hate the idea of causes, and if I had to choose between betraying my country and betraying my friend, I hope I should have the guts to betray my country."

-E.M. Forster-


	10. Chapter 10

"Is a dream a lie if it doesn't come true, or is it something worse?"

-Bruce Springsteen-

Emily woke up with tears in her eyes. She didn't move. She let the tears fell, wetting her cheeks, down to her pillow. She had just had a beautiful dream. She dreamed about her childhood holidays in France, spending time with her grandfather in the mountains. In her dream, she was so happy and free, something she hadn't felt lately. Just before she woke up, her grandfather had held her and whispered to her that everything would be fine. "I miss you so much, Grandfather," she whispered with a hoarse voice. "I really wish you were here."

After the tears dried up, the woman curled herself in her bed and she glanced at the alarm clock on the bedside table. It was almost noon. She frowned. She had blacked out for almost five hours then. She let out a sigh. It had been almost twelve hours since she left her team, since she left JJ. She smiled sadly, she had worked so hard to be accepted as a part of the team, and now she had lost everything. She had lost everyone she cared about. She had lost the only person she loved. Well, she corrected herself; I've lost her long before now.

Absent-mindedly, Emily licked her lower lip. Her mind travelled back to her argument with JJ. To the kiss. She was still mad at herself for kissing the blonde. Now she knew what JJ's lips tasted like and would never be able to taste it again. She closed her eyes to avoid more tears from falling down. She had had enough. She remembered how her mother kept telling her to stop whining and feeling sorry for herself and to just face the world and learn from her mistakes.

The problem is, Mother, I don't know what my mistakes are, Emily replied in her head. She knew she had made a lot of mistakes in the past, but she never thought that falling in love with Agent Jareau was a mistake at all. The only mistake she could think of was to hope that JJ would love her back the way she did. The kiss wasn't a mistake. It was her final straw and she lost it, too.

Emily groaned. She needed to clear her mind up. The woman got up from her bed and took a quick shower. She hummed the song she knew, Remembering Sunday, and almost shouted when she came to the part when the lyrics said "... Just washing you out of my hair..." and she added in her head, and hopefully out of my mind.

When she finished, the woman felt a bit refreshed. She made up her bed and went downstairs to fix herself some lunch. She didn't remember when was the last time she had eaten and that was a bad thing. The woman had just eaten two spoonfuls of cereals when she heard a knock on the door. Now what? She cringed. Emily looked at her food disgustedly. She had lost her appetite. She practically threw the bowl, still full with cereals, to the sink.

As she walked to the door, she saw her mobile phone without its battery. She didn't remember when she disconnected the thing and she certainly didn't remember if she had thrown the battery away. She shrugged and continued walking. The woman didn't even bother to look through the peephole before opening the door. Nothing could surprise her anymore; at least, she wouldn't let anything get to her anymore.

"Hi Emily, may I come in?" Rossi said before the door was fully opened. The man was relieved that Emily was still willing to open her door – mostly he was relieved that the woman didn't do anything stupid.

"What are you doing here?" Emily said coolly. She was surprised to see the senior agent, but she didn't show it.

Rossi smiled. "I need to talk to you about something. Now, we can't talk here, can we? Let me in?" He asked calmly. Emily hesitated a second then she stepped sideway to let the man in. "Thank you," he said. Rossi took a seat before Emily said anything. He noticed the empty bottle and the empty glass, and he noticed the battery-less phone, but he didn't comment on that.

"Yeah, please sit down. Make yourself at home," she insinuated. Rossi nodded. The man didn't seem to catch a hint of annoyance in Emily's voice. Emily didn't sit. She leaned on her kitchen counter, folding her arms, waiting for Rossi to begin.

Rossi tilted his head so he could see Emily. "Emily, would you please sit down?"

The brunette snickered. "I'm fine, Rossi. Just say why you're here."

The senior agent sighed. This would not be easy. "I'm here to bring you back."

"Back where? This is my home," she replied matter-of-factly. "In case you haven't noticed, I was fired. No, scratch that. I was dismissed from duty and I decided to resign. So there's no reason of you to be here at all and, what's that again, bring me back anywhere," Emily said sarcastically.

Rossi rose from his seat and approached the younger woman. He knew Emily was hurt, but he didn't know if her dismissal was the only reason for it. "Emily, listen to me. We need you to come back. The team needs you," he said. Then after a second he added, "The man you shot," Rossi saw the female agent flinched a little but he continued anyway, "Wasn't our guy. But," he stopped Emily's protest, "He was the guy who killed the little girl, our 'last victim'."

Emily frowned. She shook her head. "I... I'm not sure I follow you," she said.

"It was another case, Emily. You got the right guy... the killer for the last little girl, but not our killer," Rossi tried to explain. He himself thought that everything was confusing. And seeing the confused look on Emily's face, he knew the woman didn't understand at all. "It was two separate cases. This girl's murder wasn't related to our case."

Emily wavered a little and Rossi took her arm and guided her to the sofa. He sat next to her, waiting for the woman to grasp his explanation. Emily swallowed an invisible lump in her throat. "So," her voice cracked as she spoke, "That man was the killer? But not our guy?" She scolded herself for being so slow, but she couldn't think. She got the right guy. When she saw Rossi nodded, she felt like a dam inside her broken to pieces. She sobbed.

Rossi let the woman cried. He didn't move. He didn't flinch. He patted her back to calm her. And after a while, when the wave subsided, he said more slowly. "Hotch blamed himself for making such a quick decision. He wanted to come pick you up himself but he is the team leader, he couldn't leave his post." Rossi continued, "But he would like to apologize to you in person. Now, please come with me."

The brunette took a deep breath. He looked Rossi in the eyes and replied, "I can't." I don't want to see JJ anymore.

The man sighed. He knew he wasn't supposed to bring up what he was about to bring up, but it was necessary. "It's not about your dismissal, is it?" He asked. "It's about JJ, isn't it?"

Emily's eyes widened in surprise. She didn't say a word. She didn't have to. Her expression showed it all. "I know that your friendship with her is on a very rocky road at the moment. But you can't solve anything if you don't speak to her."

"I did," Emily replied. She was relieved the man wasn't talking about her feelings for the blonde agent. "The conversation didn't go well. Didn't solve a thing." It even added some more trouble, she added silently.

The older agent sighed. "Listen, Emily. We really need you to help us with the case. You don't have to speak to JJ if you don't want to. You can ignore her if you think it fits. But you have a job to do. And that is your number one priority," he said in a firm tone. "Don't be so selfish."

Emily felt like she was being slapped. Her face reddened. She rose from her seat and for a second she really wanted to slap Rossi on the face and threw him out of her house. How dare that man came and insult her like that.

But you can't do it; a small voice snickered in her head, because everything he said is true. Then she remembered how her mother used to call her spoiled and selfish when she was a little girl. Guess Mother really knows her daughter best. She thought.

"Fine," she growled in a dangerous tone. "I'm coming with you." Last one, Emily, last one, she reminded herself, then you're out.

When the woman went upstairs to gather her belongings, Rossi called Garcia. "Garcia, get the jet ready. We're leaving in thirty." He smiled triumphantly.


	11. Chapter 11

The two arrived at the station two hours later. Morgan patted Emily on the shoulder and Reid smiled awkwardly. JJ was nowhere to be seen, and Emily took it as a sign that the blonde woman didn't want to see her. She felt another stab of pain in her heart but decided to ignore it. She was determined to solve the case as fast as possible. Hotch asked to see her privately in an empty office.

"No interrogation room available?" She couldn't resist asking that as the unit chief closed the door. Hotch grinned apologetically.

He waited until Emily sat down before he started. "Prentiss," he began. "I am so sorry for not standing up for you earlier. But I really thought that you needed help. I still do. Something is bothering you and that something has nothing to do with the case. I can't risk not solving this case because one of my agents puts their personal problems before work."

"Then why did you bring me back here? Do you think I have solved all my 'personal' problems in only half a day?" Emily said sarcastically. "Wow, I must be so talented in compartmentalizing then, huh?" Emily was hurt because she thought that Hotch was being unfair to her. She was sure if it had been Reid or Morgan, the unit chief would do anything to make sure they stayed in the case. Like when he protected the genius when he had drugs problem.

Hotch sighed. There was nothing he could do to make it up to his female agent; there were not enough words, not enough apologies for him to say to Emily now. He looked at Emily in the eyes, and felt guilty to see the hurt and accusing look in her dark eyes. "Emily," he pleaded. "I just... You don't know how sorry I am for letting you down."

"But we have a case to work on," Emily cut in. "I understand, Hotch."

"Do you really?" The man asked tiredly.

Emily shrugged. "Let's just think that I really do. Now if there's nothing else, we have a case to solve." The woman replied. She didn't want to spend another minute talking about nonsense. She wanted to work. The faster they started to work again, the sooner the case would be solved. And the sooner they solved the case, the sooner she didn't have to see JJ anymore.

After the conversation with Hotch, nothing more were said about the matter. Morgan and Reid welcomed her to sit with them at the big table and they worked as if nothing had happened. JJ didn't show up for the rest of the day, and even though Emily didn't say nor ask anything about the blonde, Reid provided the information that Hotch had sent her to talk with all the victims' families again, including the last victim's family – the little girl who had nothing to do with their case, in case there were something more they remembered.

Emily tried her best to stay focused on the case. She scolded herself for not being able to resist looking at the door whenever somebody entered the room; half hoping it was JJ. She didn't want to admit, that even after all the emotional roller-coaster the younger woman had caused her, Emily was somehow still longing for the woman.

She was reading the files back to back for the third time when she heard Morgan groaned in frustration. The dark man threw the file folder he was holding to the table.

"This sucks!" He exclaimed. The dark agent leaned closer to Emily. "There is no way we could make a profile out of this trash," he said, half whispering. The files only covered very basic information about the case and the victims, like it was compiled half-heartedly by the local officers.

Emily raised her eyebrows disapprovingly. They were practically surrounded by the locals and Morgan's half-whisper sounded like a thunder in the small room. "Maybe we should get make our own files, if Hotch lets us go to the crime scenes again. And of course, if you still trust me enough to go with you," she said calmly.

Morgan smiled encouragingly. "Hey, girl, you know I trust you with my life," he said. "Come on; let's talk to Hotch about this."

Hotch gave them permission to go. He didn't even say anything about Emily coming along. Emily was relieved because she was given another chance after sort of screwing up their last raid. The older man just reminded her to be very careful before they left.

Emily needed to get her things and she told Morgan to wait in the car. She was about to walk out of the door when she saw JJ.

The blonde woman stopped dead on her tracks when she entered the office. She knew Emily had come back. Garcia told her so. But she didn't expect to meet her just yet. She wasn't ready. Her mind raced back to the night before; to the kiss. She blushed. The blonde tried to steady her breath as the older woman approached her.

Emily had prepared herself for this the whole day, yet she still felt her world was turning upside down. She gritted her teeth and held her head high. You can do it, Prentiss, she reassured herself. The brunette walked to JJ's direction calmly.

JJ went agape when Emily strode past her without even acknowledging her. It was as if the woman didn't know her at all. The younger agent's eyes widened in surprise; she turned back to see if Emily ever glanced at her and the brunette kept walking. JJ found it hard to breathe that instant. She was hurt. And she didn't even understand why.

The older agent didn't stop walking until she was in the parking lot. She blinked her tears away. Good girl, Emily. What a true Prentiss, said the same little voice in her head. The woman clenched her fists. She strolled to the car and shut the door a little too hard.

"You okay?" Morgan asked worriedly. Emily looked pale. She had been pale for some time now, but this time, she was too pale to his liking. Emily nodded in silence. "Look, Prentiss, if there's anything... you know you can talk to me." He said, looking at the woman with genuine concern.

"Just drive, Morgan." She replied coldly. She saw a disappointed look flashed on her friend's face and she felt rather guilty. When Morgan ignited the car and drove away, Emily added softly, "Thank you."

Morgan smiled.

"Friend derives from a word meaning "free." A friend is someone who allows us the space and freedom to be."

-Anonymous-


	12. Chapter 12

They found absolutely nothing new in the crime scenes, except maybe some drizzles. Morgan was on the phone, either with Hotch or Reid. Emily squatted near the place where the locals found the fourth victim. She stared absent-mindedly at the ground. Their last victim had been an eleven-year-old girl. She was kidnapped after her gym practice. She had been missing for four days before her body was found.

"Right, okay," Morgan said, ended his conversation. "Hey Prentiss, Hotch wanted us to get back."

Emily looked up. "Morgan, if you were a child and you knew that children have been missing, what would you do?" She asked. Morgan raised his eyebrows and Emily continued, "If I were a child, and my mother told me that there is some bad guys taking kids away, I would be scared like hell to be alone at any time."

"I got your point," Morgan said. "And yet, Carla Stuarts was alone the day of the abduction. That means..."

"It must be someone she knew, Morgan. What else would make an eleven-year-old separate herself from her gang if it wasn't for someone she knew? And of course that 'someone' is an adult. Children her age know that it's better to stick with larger group unless you're with an adult." Emily almost jumped.

Morgan nodded. Then something crossed his mind. "Prentiss, wait," he stopped the over excited Emily. "We checked all their backgrounds... There is no way these kids knew the same person. They didn't know each other, they didn't go to the same school, different religions, different everything." He said.

The brunette frowned. She raised her eyebrows. "Then maybe we didn't dig deep enough into their backgrounds," she said icily. She didn't know why it was so easy for her to be angry these days. Oh, right, she said in her head, thanks to Agent Jareau. She grabbed her phone and shot at Garcia before the computer tech could say a word. "Garcia I need you to look again into the victims' backgrounds. I want to know everything: What they did at the weekends, where they went, get anything you can get me, even part-time nannies and paediatricians. Anything!" She ended the call and looked at Morgan, challenging the dark profiler to say something.

The muscular man was startled. At first he thought that Emily had finally come back to her old self with everything she said earlier. But he changed his mind. Now he was sure that the woman was at the point of breaking down, and she didn't even realize it. He shook his head as Emily strutted to the vehicle. I really need to talk to Hotch about this.

And Morgan didn't say a word on the way back to the hotel.

Everyone left the station not long after Emily and Morgan left. JJ kept silent on the way back to the hotel. She didn't listen to Reid who couldn't stop talking about some kinds of statistics and only nodded whenever the young genius addressed her.

Emily puzzled her. The brunette had been so angry at her before. She had been so disappointed and broken. And now, the woman acted as if nothing had happened between them. No, she thought bitterly, she acted like she didn't even know me. JJ felt like her heart was being crunched by a giant hand. She didn't understand why. Her friendship with Emily came as an easy answer to the question. But JJ was dissatisfied with the answer. There's something else that would explain her heartache perfectly, something that had kept the blonde from answering Will's call for the past twenty-four hours.

"Prentiss, we need to talk." Morgan confronted the woman soon as they reached the hotel. He had been thinking and he thought maybe it would be for the best if he talked to Emily first rather than go straight to their unit chief behind her back.

Emily unbuckled her seat-belt but she didn't get off the car. She waited. She was familiar with Morgan's serious tone and she knew what she was not going to like whatever the man was going to say.

"I know this is none of my business, but I really think that you need to step away from this case," the man said, a little too harsh than he had intended. "You're not your usual self and you know it. You can't fool me, Prentiss."

"And what are you going to do about it? Tell Hotch about it?" Emily shot back. "Go ahead then. Maybe it is what you guys wanted, not having me around."

"Emily, it isn't what..." Morgan wasn't given a chance to finish his words. Emily kept talking as if she didn't listen.

"You know, I'm tired of always being the 'new girl' in the team. First Reid treated me like a roach, then Hotch questioned my loyalty, then JJ betrayed my friendship – and my feelings, and now you!" Emily pointed her finger at Morgan. "You don't even try to support me! And no, I don't want to listen!" The woman slammed the door shut with a loud noise and she walked as fast as her feet allowed her to the hotel.

Morgan followed her. "Prentiss, wait!" He called. He wanted to smack himself for being so insensitive with his words. When the woman didn't stop, he tried to grab her arm.

Emily felt her left arm being pulled by Morgan and she turned to face the man. She slapped him hard. "Fuck you, Morgan!" And she ran away, leaving the dark profiler standing in the middle of the parking lot. Emily was only two feet away from her room when she suddenly ran into JJ, who looked so puzzled to see her. "And fuck you, too!" Emily growled as she walked past the blonde.

JJ had had enough with everything Emily had put her through. She followed Emily to her room and closed the door audibly. "What the hell was that for?" She asked with a raised voice.

The brunette glared angrily at JJ. She didn't expect her to follow. "That, Agent Jareau, was for everything you did to me!" She answered. "What the hell are you doing here, in my room? Aren't you afraid that I, the freaky gay, will do something bad to you?" Emily snapped, masking her fear and pain with anger.

The younger woman blushed as Emily mentioned herself as being gay. "Because I've had enough of your bullshit," JJ spat. "And stop calling me Agent Jareau! If you have a problem with me, say it to my face! I'm tired of your pointless anger and self destruction!"

"My anger is none of your business. And it's my own self destruction we're talking about, so there's no need to worry on your part there!" The brunette said, no longer willing to hold back. "And it's none of your business if I want to call you Agent Jareau."

"Well, it bothers me!" replied JJ. She couldn't help but staring at Emily's lips. "You kissed me," she said, blushing as the words came out. "And you left me without giving me a chance to say anything."

Emily snorted. "I did give you a chance! I did give you a lot of chances! I gave you the chance of telling me about your relationship with that man, I gave you the chance to tell me about your pregnancy, I gave you the chance to tell me that you're going to marry him," she shouted. Then she added so softly that JJ barely heard it, "And I even gave you the chance to tell me that you are not disgusted with me."

JJ felt a sharp pierce in her heart when she heard the last sentence. "Emily," she took a step forward. "I am not disgusted with you."

"But you don't want to have anything to do with me, either," Emily concluded. "I understand. You don't have to worry about it. I'm resigning after the case. You don't have to see me anymore. Now will you please leave my room?"

JJ took another step towards Emily. "I didn't say I don't want to see you anymore. You are my friend," she stated.

Just your friend, Emily thought dejectedly, I can't live with that. Tears streamed down her face openly now. "Jennifer, please leave my room," the brunette pleaded.

The press liaison wrapped Emily in her arms. She felt her friend's body shivered as they touched. "I never wanted to hurt you, Emily. I'm so sorry," she whispered. Her voice cracked. They stood motionless for a few seconds before JJ let go of her hug and stepped back. She walked to the door and reached for the handle. She stopped, turned back and saw Emily right in the eyes. "And I don't think I'm sorry we kissed." With that last remark, JJ left the room.

Emily didn't move. She didn't really understand what JJ meant, but she was perfectly sure it was some kind of softened rejections. She cried.

"Never kiss a friend. If you have deeper feelings, do not reveal them. You might lose your friendship forever..."

-Anonymous-


	13. Chapter 13

"As we know, there are known knowns. There are things we know we know. We also know there are known unknowns. That is to say that there are some things we do not know. But there are also unknown unknowns, the ones we don't know we don't know."

-Donald Rumsfeld-

JJ sat on her bed, thinking about her last conversation with Emily; thinking about her last words to the brunette before leaving her. She was sure she heard a sob when she stepped out of the room but she couldn't bring herself to get back in the room. She didn't know what good it would make as she still wasn't sure with her own feelings. She needed to think. JJ didn't lie when she said that she wasn't sorry they kissed. She knew that she had to be, but she wasn't. She felt... happy. JJ frowned. Happy wasn't the exact word for the situation. You have a son and a fiancé, she reminded herself sternly. But JJ remembered the felt of Emily's lips against her and she blushed again. The blonde took a deep breath and gasped as a sweet scent which wasn't her own reached her nose. She recognized it; it was Emily's. Her blush deepened and she couldn't help but thinking about their hug. JJ groaned. She needed to think. She needed to speak with someone. JJ reached for her phone and dialled the only person she knew would not judge her for the things she was about to say.

"You reach the domain of the immortals and the most intelligent, speak and be heard," Garcia answered her phone with the usual playful tone. But before JJ could say a word, the computer tech added very quickly, "If Prentiss is asking about her files, tell her I'm on it. She wants everything and everything takes time to find, even for a genius like me. And..."

JJ interrupted her, "Penelope, I didn't call about the case."

"And please... Oh? What? You didn't? Oh." Garcia stopped. "Is everything okay? Is it about Henry?" She started again.

The younger woman sighed. It was going to be more than awkward. "No, Garcia, it isn't about Henry. It's about..." JJ hesitated a second, "Emily."

Garcia straightened up her sitting position. "I'm listening," she said. She knew that JJ didn't call her for silly gossips they often exchanged to lighten their moods during a case. Besides, all she got from Morgan earlier was a text with all capitals saying 'SHE SLAPPED ME!'

JJ noticed the shift of tone in Garcia's voice and she wondered if Garcia knew something about Emily; or maybe even about her and JJ. She noted to herself to ask about that later. Now she needed Garcia to help her think. And it wasn't easy. How did you say to your friend that your colleague, of the same gender, kissed you and you thought you liked it? 'Hey, everything is fine, case goes slow... Oh, by the way, Emily kissed me and I kind of like it'? JJ bit his lower lip, saying nothing at first.

When her words met silence, Garcia sighed. It must be bad, she thought. "Hey Kitten," she said softly, "You know you can tell me anything, right?"

"Yeah," JJ replied in a small voice. She braced herself and after taking a deep breath, she said quickly, "Emilykissedme." Words stumbled in her mouth.

Garcia almost – very close – to shout out her surprise but she managed to shut her mouth before saying anything. She had prepared herself to hear anything about the brunette, but this was not one of her definitions of anything. Emily Prentiss. Kissing Jennifer Jareau. "Oh... wow?" was all she managed to say at first. She heard JJ sighed in frustration and she mentally smacked herself and regained her composure. "I mean... how do you feel about that?"

JJ could feel her face blushed, although Garcia wasn't there. "I... I'm not sure," She answered truthfully. "I do not dislike it, I think," she added.

Garcia's eyes widened. She certainly didn't expect that kind of answers. "Am I deaf or did I really hear you say a double-negation sentence?" She asked, wanting JJ to say it again.

"Not funny, Pen," JJ replied. "Yes, I did say 'don't dislike'. But I also said 'I think'! I don't know how I truly feel about it – I mean, it's not like I'm gay or anything near that. I have a fiancé. And a son! And I know I am not supposed to like it; I'm not even supposed to 'think' that I like it."

The tech agent listened JJ's rambling until the press liaison stopped. "JJ, what is the connection of having a fiancé – and a son – to liking a kiss? You do realize that you're making silly excuses, or don't you?" Garcia cut right to the point. She didn't wait for a respond, "And you now know for sure that Prentiss is gay, and what did you just say? 'It's not like I'm gay or anything near that'. Do you know how homophobic that sounds? Now let me ask you something again, do you hate gay people?"

"I am not homophobic, Garcia!" JJ argued. "I just don't think I am gay, nothing more to it in my words." The blonde frowned. She thought about Garcia's questions. "And of course there's a connection between liking a kiss to having a fiancé! It's like I betray Will for even thinking of liking Emily's kiss." She felt some familiar heat crept up her cheek as she mentioned the kiss again.

"Well, I don't see what's so wrong with that," Garcia replied calmly. "You can't control how you feel about something, JJ. There's no right or wrong in feelings. Like now, I must say that I am surprised to know about Emily and your kiss. I can't control that."

JJ sighed. She knew every word Garcia said was true. Yet, she couldn't help thinking of herself not being straight. What would people say about me? She thought. And she didn't realize that she said it out loud.

Garcia scoffed when she heard that remark. "What do people have anything to do with anything you do?" She said. "Look, Jayj, I understand that you are confused now. You don't know what to do. But don't bring people into this. People won't make you happy. You make you happy. Now listen to me, you think about it, take your time to really think about how you feel towards Will and Emily. You are smart enough to know that you can't have them both. Eventually you will hurt either Will or Emily and that's the thing you have to face. And remember, don't bring Henry into this. My godson has nothing to do with your feelings."

JJ didn't reply. She was too confused to reply. Garcia waited before she ended the call. "You might not like what I said, but I don't care. You need to hear that. Call me at any time if you have thought about it, okay? Bye Jay." The tech goddess hung up. She grinned. So THAT's what bothering Prentiss, she thought.

After they hung up, JJ didn't know what else to do. She curled up in bed. She didn't want to think. She didn't know what to think about. She spent some time in the foetal position before she lay on her back, staring blankly at the ceiling. She didn't realize how long she had been in that position when she felt her phone vibrated. She picked the thing up to see who was calling. Will's name was on the screen and JJ felt so invaded. The man had tried to call her more than ten times that day and she didn't answer any. She decided to ignore this one as well so the blonde shoved her phone under the pillow she didn't use. When she finally fell asleep, Will had left no less than five more missed call.

The next morning was awkward for Emily and Morgan. The man hadn't said anything to her during breakfast except a polite 'good morning'. The dark agent wasn't angry with Emily. He was still worried about her, despite the slap. He eyed the brunette with the corner of his eye and he saw that Emily's appearance was flawed somehow. The woman had dark circles under her eyes, and her eyes looked so puffy that no one would doubt that she had been crying. He wanted to help, but how could someone help someone who didn't want any help? He sighed. Garcia had told him not to push Emily for now, and he thought maybe that was the best. He waved as JJ entered the dining room. The blonde looked tired, too. Morgan really wished they found something to help them that day. He stopped watching Emily and started eating his breakfast gloomily.

Emily kept her head down; wearing a big mental sign of 'just leave me alone' on her, so she was a little startled to see someone pulled a chair in front of her. The woman nearly choked on her cereal when she saw who it was. JJ smiled an uncertain smile before sitting down across her.

"Morning, Emily," The blonde said, hoping that her voice didn't tremble as she spoke.

The older woman didn't answer. She nodded and went back to what she was doing earlier. Her hand shook a little when she spooned her cereal, and it didn't go unnoticed by JJ, whose heart beating so fast herself. She's nervous, JJ thought, Emily Prentiss is nervous.

Emily finished her breakfast as fast as she could. She didn't need any more unnecessary emotional outburst that day and she needed to get away from JJ. Fast. The brunette stood up and was about to leave the table when she heard JJ called her softly. She didn't turn, but she didn't walk away, either.

"Emily," JJ repeated. "I would like to talk with you about something. Do you have the time tonight?"

The profiler finally turned around. "I don't know," Emily replied. "I'm very tired, JJ," She added dejectedly.

JJ's heart skipped a beat when she heard Emily called her 'JJ'. She thought she would never heard the woman call her that again. "Of course, Emily. I know you must be very tired. After the case, perhaps?" She tried again.

Emily sighed. She knew that sooner or later she had to face the 'talking'. She cursed herself again for kissing the blonde. None of this should have happened if you controlled yourself, Emily, the voice was somehow resembled to her mother's voice and it sent a shiver down her spine. She finally nodded. "Yes," she retorted. "After the case..." I'll be gone by then, she added in her head. Emily turned away and left JJ with her uneaten breakfast alone.

The blonde released the breath she was holding. She felt somehow relieved that Emily didn't want to talk that night. It would give her more time to think. More time to contemplate on her own feelings. She called me 'JJ', the blonde said to herself. She was so happy for some reasons she couldn't explain. She tried to hide her smile behind her coffee mug. She called me 'JJ'.

"Were it not for hope, our heart would break"

-Anonymous-


	14. Chapter 14

"Trust your hunches... Hunches are usually base on facts file away just below the conscious level."

-Dr. Joyce Brothers-

"Okay," Hotch began when everyone had settled themselves on their seats. "Let's review everything we know. I want us to be able to give the profile to the locals today."

"We know too little about everything, Hotch. That's the problem. We can't make a profile out of what we know. Or worse, we might end up giving them the wrong profile, leading them into the wrong direction," Morgan protested.

Hotch sighed gloomily. "I know that, but we have to try anyway," he stated. The unit chief opened his file folder. "So what do we know so far?" He asked again.

"The victims are all children between eight and twelve years old; one boy and three girls. The boy is the first victim," Reid answered, not looking at his own files. "They came from different backgrounds. Their parents don't know one another, the families are of different social circle, they don't share the same beliefs, and from the parents' jobs, I don't think there is any possibility they crossed paths somewhere in any ways. The children went to different schools; they did different sports and activities. And from what I read in Garcia's last report – the one Emily requested last night – it seems that they even went to different Summer Camps."

The dark-haired man frowned at Reid's last sentence. "You asked Garcia to dig again?" He addressed Emily, who was busy reading the files in front of her.

Emily looked up. "Yeah," she replied. "I got a hunch last night. Today, I don't think it's good enough, though," the woman muttered. She threw a glance at Morgan, who was also glancing at her.

"You know that we can use any hunches you can offer us now, Emily," Rossi cut in.

Hotch nodded. "Dave's right. Why don't you share it with us, Prentiss?"

Emily shrugged. She told him about her theory that the victims most probably knew the Unsub and about everything she told Morgan the previous night. "But I read the files Garcia sent us. There is nothing in here that proves my theory," she ended.

"Actually," Reid said before anybody could say anything. "I think you got a point there, Emily. These children are taken in 'public' in broad daylight. With all the amber alerts and their parents' warnings, children would make a fuss if they were taken by force. Besides, there was no trace of drugs in the victims' bloodstreams from the autopsy report. You may be right, Emily. The Unsub must have known the children from somewhere," The genius continued. He rummaged at his files. "The problem is, how do we prove that?"

JJ looked at Emily from the side of her eye and saw that the older woman's face lightened a bit by Reid's support. She smiled inside. She never realized before how she loved it whenever she saw Emily looked happy.

Emily was surprised that the young genius actually thought that her theory might be right. She smiled at Reid, who – of course – didn't realize that he was being smiled at.

"I wonder why the Unsub switched his victims," JJ voiced, making everyone turn to face her. The blonde didn't usually say much during their briefings unless she had something important to add. "I mean, the first victim had been a boy – a twelve-year-old. And after that, it's all girls. There must be something about it."

"Maybe girls are easier target for him?" Morgan said.

"No, I don't think so," Emily replied. "She's right, Morgan. Sexual predators don't just change their preference just because little girls are easier to kidnap. There's something that made him changed. I think I saw something rather odd in the autopsy report," Emily trailed off a bit as she was looking for the right files. "Here," she pointed, "Look at the severity of each victim's beatings. The first victim had been more than brutal. The second was the same. But the beating was lessened on the third victim, and lessened on the last. It's like... he wanted them to last longer." Emily shuddered as she spoke out what's in her mind.

They exchanged uncomfortable look with one another. "Emily is right. Hotch, I think we're dealing with a sexual sadist," Rossi concluded.

Emily sighed. She looked at Hotch helplessly. The older man's frown deepened. He cleared his throat. "Any idea about the significance of the victim's moth of birth? I don't think it's a coincidence. This guy is meticulous – a planner. He knows exactly in what month the victims were born," he stated, trying to sum up everything his team had said.

"And we're back to our square one question: how do we prove it? It would make more sense if the kids went to the same school or clubs or anything," Morgan pointed.

"Don't think about the 'how' now. Don't even think about the 'why'," replied Hotch. "Now let's see... the Unsub is male; he knows the children personally, he's a planner, he doesn't stand out in public, people don't really pay attention to him. I must add here that he probably has a SUV for transporting his victims. Anything else?"

"Motive. This Unsub is rage motivated. One of the worst Unsubs," Rossi inserted.

Emily groaned. Rage motivated killers are the ones who devolved the fastest. They had to find him fast before he got another victim.

"Okay, then. We're ready." Hotch stood up. They walked out the briefing room. Hotch told Detective Landon that they were ready to give them a profile. He presented the profile smoothly, with some additions from Rossi and Morgan, and he answered every question carefully. After he finished, he turned back to his team. "Reid, I want you to continue on your map. There might be something that can help us," he said to the young agent. Reid left at once. Hotch continued, "And I need us all to split up and go to the victims' houses again. This time, present the profile; tell them that they need to tell us anything, anyone that might fit the descriptions."

"I'll go to the first victim's," Morgan said.

"I'll take the second," Emily followed. She didn't want to be paired with Morgan.

"I'll go with Emily," JJ said, trying to ignore the surprised look on Emily's face. "Tara's parents are the most difficult ones and they already know me."

Hotch nodded. "Alright. Then I'll go to the Stuarts' and Dave will go to the Lamberts'. Keep your cell phones on. Let's move."

Emily started the ignition as soon as JJ entered the rented car. She didn't say anything. The woman kept her focus on the street, completely ignoring the person next to her. She still couldn't think of the reasons why JJ asked to go with her. Maybe she just wants to prove that you have no effect on her, the cruel voice inside her mocked. Or maybe she just wanted to show that she is able to be civilized with gay people. Emily gritted her teeth, trying to deafen herself from the cruel mockery.

JJ leaned sideway so she had better view of Emily. She knew it wasn't the wisest thing to do, nor it was the right moment, but she needed to be with Emily. She wanted to make sure about her feelings. She could see that Emily was not pleased that she decided to go with her, and she sensed how tense the body next to her was as she drove.

"Em," JJ called. She tried to open a small conversation.

"Not now, Jareau," Emily cut her off harshly. She didn't want to start off another silly argument. Not now. She needed her head to be clear to be able to focus on the case.

JJ was taken aback by the retort. Emily called her 'Jareau' again. She felt so sad, not because Emily had been so harsh to her, but because she didn't know how to reach out to the older woman and make everything right again. She was rather surprised as she realized that Emily's friendship meant so much to her. Just 'friendship'? A small voice asked softly. No, more than that, JJ answered back, more confidently now. She glanced sideway at Emily; her face was of no expression, but her brown eyes screamed fear and pain that JJ felt a large stone crushed her own heart.

Tara Blake's parents were pissed to see the two agents. They let them in, but not asking them to sit. Mr. Blake stood near the door, as if ready to throw them out.

"Mr. Blake, I'm Agent Emily Prentiss," Emily introduced herself. "I..."

"What do you want from us? Asking questions?" Mr. Blake snapped at her. "Your friend asked more than enough questions yesterday."

Emily tried to calm him, "Yes, Sir. But it's different. I'd like to ask you if..."

"Have you caught the son of a bitch who killed my daughter yet?" Again, the angry father cut her off. "What are you doing here, asking us questions, while what you should be doing is looking for the bastard that hurt my baby?!"

"Mr. Blake, we are trying to do that. But we need your help," JJ interrupted.

The broad man turned to look at her, fire blazing in his green eyes. He took a step towards JJ. "I answered you questions yesterday. All of those ridiculous ones! What else do you want us to do? We've done our parts, now it's your turn! You are the FBI; you're the one who supposed to help us, not the other way around!" He yelled out his frustration.

Emily stepped in, unconsciously positioning herself between JJ and the angry man, trying to block his way towards her. "Mr. Blake, we understand that you want a closure," she reasoned. "We want to help you, too. And the only way we can help you is if you help us by answering our questions. Please, I promise it won't take long." When the man didn't budge, Emily turned her attention to his wife. "Mrs. Blake, please. I only need you to answer a few questions and we'll be gone."

Mrs. Blake was a small woman. The death of her only child had taken every spirit in her and she looked so worn. She couldn't stop crying ever since her lovely Tara was taken. She wanted to be left alone. She was too tired to answer any more questions, even if that meant helping to catch her little angel's killer. She shook her head. "I'm so sorry Agent Prentiss. No more questions. I can't take it anymore."

"But Mrs. Blake..." Emily insisted. She stepped forward, towards the red haired woman, and felt a sharp pain on her arm.

"You heard my wife," Mr. Blake was towering over her, his hand around her arm like a steel clamp. "Now go away!" He pushed the brunette.

Emily's back hit the wall with a loud thud. She winced. JJ rushed to her side, looking at her with wide eyes. "Emily, you okay?" When the brunette nodded, she turned to face the man. "Sir, do you realize that you just assaulted a Federal agent? We're leaving now, if that's what you want. All you have to do is ask." JJ's eyes filled with fury. She helped Emily walked out of the house, completely worried about the brunette.

The older woman didn't say anything as JJ led her to the passenger seat. Her back and her arm hurt, and she smacked the back of her head to the wall, too.

"You okay?" JJ stood very close to Emily that they both can smell each other's scents. JJ was worried when Emily didn't reply. "Emily, talk to me. Do you need to go to the hospital?"

The brunette shook her head and groaned as a wave of dizziness hit her hard. "I'm good. Call Hotch and tell him we got nothing." She said after a second. JJ was standing too close. She couldn't think clearly. Emily kept her eyes closed, not because she was dizzy, but because she didn't want to see the blonde. The scent of the younger woman overwhelmed her, and it was the last thing she needed – to be overwhelmed by JJ.

JJ moved away, giving Emily – and herself – some space. As she reached for her cell phone, the thing rang. She saw who was calling. Morgan. The press liaison quickly answered the phone. She told the dark man that they didn't get anything out of the Blakes and that Emily was hurt. Morgan said a curse that JJ didn't want to repeat before he added something that sent a chill to JJ's body. She hung up and walked back to the car, quickly starting the engine.

"Is Hotch coming?" Emily asked, finally cracked her eyes open.

"Forget about the Blakes. A child had been taken!" JJ said grimly.

"The world needs anger. The world often continues to allow evil because it isn't angry enough."

-Bede Jarrett-


	15. Chapter 15

"Do we really know anybody? Who does not wear a face to hide another?"

-Frances Marion-

JJ drove in high speed but she tried to keep the car steady. She kept glancing at the woman beside her. Emily had kept her eyes shut tightly and the blonde was worried that she might have a concussion from the blow. "Emily," she called softly, worry was evident in her voice. "Are you okay?"

Emily muttered something with a very soft voice that JJ couldn't catch what she was saying. Her head was pounding but she knew that it was mostly because of her lack of sleep. She cracked her eyes open when she heard the younger woman called her again. "Yeah, 'm good," she mumbled a little louder now. Somehow she sensed that JJ wasn't in the least convinced and instinctively – almost without thinking, she reached out and placed her hand on JJ's arm. "I'm good," she repeated softly.

The press liaison felt like she was hit with thousands of electric voltages as the brunette placed her hand on her bare arm. A blush crept on her cheek, reddened it. She liked – no, she loved the feeling of Emily's warm hand on her.

Emily pulled back her hand when she felt JJ's reaction. She cursed herself for being so bold and foolish. The older woman was hurt. She felt so rejected. And she was disgusted with herself for ruining her friendship. It was true that JJ 'betrayed' her first, but as a 'friend' she was suppose to support JJ's decision, whatever that was. It was her who ruined their friendship by falling in love with the blonde; it was her who looked at their friendship in a different way; it was her fault.

JJ felt a pang of longing when Emily removed her hand. She glanced at Emily and frowned at the sadness in her friend's eyes. She was totally lost when it came to trying to understand the woman she cared about. Emily Prentiss – with her compartmentalization, with her layers of masks, with all the complexity of her feelings – puzzled her. JJ wanted so much to rip off all the masks Emily was wearing and see the true Emily inside. She wanted to know the woman she loved for her true self. JJ gasped inaudibly at her last thought. She nearly had a heart attack. Love? She asked herself. Did I really just think 'love'? She held on to the thought a second longer before they arrived at the scene.

"Hotch!" Emily called as she and JJ saw the unit chief standing in front of a small grocery store, talking with Detective Landon. The man turned to them and gestured them to come closer. Emily sighed when she saw that familiar frown on her boss' face. It was as if the frown was carved permanently on his face.

The tall man's frown deepened when he saw the two women walking right at him. Morgan had told him what JJ told him on the phone. He agreed with the blonde that Emily looked far from fine. She looked pale. "Prentiss," he held out his hand, touching his agent at the shoulder. "You okay?"

"Yes, Sir. Thank you," Emily answered. "What happened?"

"Maeghan Wilson, ten years old," Hotch handed them a photograph of a dark haired little girl. "Neighbors saw her and her little brother Marcus rode their bikes here about two hours ago. The boy couldn't find his sister anywhere after he read a comic book and he thought she was teasing him. He went home alone and Maeghan wasn't home, either."

Emily glanced at her watch. "Two hours ago? What did a kid do on the street at nine in the morning? Don't they go to school or something?" She asked, rather annoyed. Her parents should have known better than to let their children wandered off by themselves when a child abductor was on the loose.

"They are homeschooled," replied Hotch.

"Then they should be working on some Maths worksheet at home at that time!" JJ added. "What were the parents thinking – that bad things couldn't possibly happen to their children?"

Hotch gave JJ a reprimanding look. He was angry about it, too. But blaming others – especially the victim's parents, was definitely not a good idea. He sighed. "Reid is looking through all the video footage from the security camera with Rossi and Morgan is interviewing the shop owner," he said. He looked directly at the blonde, "JJ, I want you to go to the victim's house. Search for anything that might give us a clue. Talk to her parents, ask them questions. And Emily," Hotch stopped a second. "Go with JJ. Talk to the kid. He might remember something. But only if you're up to it. Do you need to see medics?"

Emily shook her head. "Thank you, Sir. That won't be necessary," she said quickly. She was touched by Hotch attention to her well being. "Come on," Emily said to JJ. She turned her back and – again, without even thinking, she reached out to JJ, touching the younger woman at the small of her back as if she was leading the way.

JJ was managed to read Hotch's silent plead to watch Emily's back – in other word: not to let her do anything that would be able to harm her position in the team. She nodded a little before following Emily's lead. She was acutely aware of Emily's hand on her back, and her heart fluttered with happiness. The young woman felt so protected in some ways. And this time, she knew better not to show any reactions as not to send Emily the wrong signal.

It was only less than three minutes by car to the victim's house. Local officers were there, and they informed them that everyone was in the living room. Emily first thought as they entered the house wasthat it was certain the children were well loved. There were photos of the children everywhere, and pictures drawn by them were hanging on the walls – some even framed. She glanced towards the living room and saw the three of them sitting close to one another. Marcus was on his father's lap, clinging as if for dear life.

"Mr. Wilson, I'm Jennifer Jareau from the FBI, and this is Agent Emily Prentiss," JJ introduced themselves. "We're here to help you, and to do so we will also need your help." It was never easy saying those things to a grieving family, but it was their job.

Bill Wilson was a large man in his forties. He stood up, shaking JJ's hand. He looked so sad, tears are in his eyes and he didn't even try to hide it. "Anything to get our Maggie back," he said. He gestured the two agents to sit down before sitting back down, taking his wife's hand in his.

Amanda Wilson was devastated when her son told her that his sister was nowhere to be seen. She blamed herself for feeling not well that morning that she didn't notice when Maeghan decided to 'run' from her lessons. She kept crying, but she managed to say something to the two agents between her sobs."Please help us," she pleaded.

"We'll try our best, Ma'am," replied JJ. She cleared her throat, thinking about the right words to say. Before she could say anything, Emily spoke up.

"Ma'am, do you mind if I speak to Marcus? He might remember something that can help us find Maeghan," the brunette said gently. She knew that both the parents would do anything to get their daughter back, but now, to let their son talk with a stranger – even an FBI agent – would be difficult, especially to the mother.

"He said he didn't remember anything," Amanda said, she held her son protectively.

Emily nodded. "Yes, Ma'am. I understand. But if you don't mind, I still wish to speak to him. It won't take long, I promise." She reassured the grieving mother, feeling a stab of pain in her heart at the scene before her. She really hoped that she could do something to make sure that their child would come back unharmed. She knew she was cruel to say it, but she said it anyway, "Ma'am, please. We can't waste our time."

Amanda's pale face became paler as she realized what Emily implied. She nodded and let go of her son. The boy looked at Emily with a confused look. He knew that his sister was in trouble, but he didn't understand why.

"Hello, Marcus. I'm Emily," the brunette said softly, offering her hand to the little boy. "I really want to talk with you. Do you want to talk?" She didn't expect him to take her hand, kids rarely did so to a person they don't know really well, so she was surprised when Marcus took her hand and smiled a little.

"We can talk in my room upstairs," Marcus said, practically dragging Emily with him. As they left the living room, the boy asked her a question that sent his mother to tears. "Emily, is Mommy mad at Maggie because she's hiding?"

"No, Sweetie. Your Mommy is just worried," Emily answered in a very calming voice. Her heart broke when she saw the child beamed – happy that his sister was not in trouble. Or so he thought, Emily said to herself bitterly as she followed the dark haired boy upstairs.

JJ waited until after Emily and Marcus were upstairs. Somehow – even in this situation – she couldn't stop herself from thinking about how good Emily was at dealing with children. She could picture the brunette with Henry, calming and providing answers every time the boy was sad. The blonde shook her thought. This was not the time for that. She focused back to the case.

"Mr. Wilson, Sir, I need to ask both of you a few questions," She said. After that JJ started with the basics: the children's routines, people they knew from the past – all sorts of things. She also presented them the profile and asked them if they knew somebody that fit. They said they didn't know anything or anybody in that description. They were sure that the children didn't know any other adults except for their relatives and neighbors. Negative. JJ was frustrated. She really hoped that Emily did better than she did.

Upstairs, Emily settled herself on Marcus bed. His room was full of toys and drawings. And some self-made notes with big, uneven handwriting on it were everywhere in the room. The boy looked so proud when Emily praised him on how clean his room was, for a boy. He pointed that the notes was to remind him to do things, to keep things in order. He also pointed that Maeghan taught him to do so.

"Wow, you must love your sister very much, huh?" Emily asked casually. The boy nodded. He was a nice boy and Emily liked him personally. She prayed that they would get his sister back in time. "Hey, Mark," she called. "Would you like to play a game?"

"Sure!" Marcus was more than interested. "What kind of games?"

"It's called the memory game." Emily explained, "Close your eyes, I'll ask you some questions and you answer me. You try to picture everything in your head."

The dark haired boy nodded. He jumped onto Emily's lap, leaning back on her comfortably and closed his eyes. Emily hadn't expected that and was a surprised. She smiled inside.

"Okay, good. Now go back to earlier this morning. You were in the living room with your sister. What did you two do?" She asked.

Marcus frowned, thinking really hard. "We were studying. I was drawing a rocket and Mags was reading something."

"And what did you do next?" Emily prompted.

"We got bored. She helped me color the rocket for a while. Then Maggie asked me if I wanted to buy something nice for Mommy. She isn't well today, you know," he continued. The seven-year-old added, "So we sneaked out of the house to Grandpa Sammy's shop. It wasn't far. Daddy let me ride there."

Emily nodded. "Wow, you must feel really special," she said. "Now you're at the shop. What happened there?"

"Umm... We split up. Mags said she would get Mommy some ginger treats, she really likes those. She told me to wait at the comics counter. I found a good comic book about a boy who was so strong he could lift a car with only one hand!" Marcus continued. He was enjoying this game. "It was only about ten pages so I read it all. When I finished I couldn't find Maggie in the store. Grandpa Sammy said she left the store already. She often does that, just to tease me. But I'm a big boy now and I can ride home without her so I went home."

"Was her bike still at the store?" Emily asked. Something was missing from the story, and she needed the missing part.

"Yeah, I guess so," Marcus said. He frowned, "It's a bit strange don't you think, Emily? She left without her bike."

The woman didn't answer. "Okay, let's go back a little bit – to when you were reading the comics. What did you notice around you?"

There was a long pause before finally Marcus answered. "I saw Mags walking around the store. Then she stopped." Another long pause. "She waved at someone outside."

Emily tensed up. She said again, in a lower voice, "Did you see that someone? Was it a woman or a man?"

Marcus shrugged. "I don't know. I was reading," he said casually.

"Well, if you could see her waving at someone, then you must have seen that person. Let's go back again. You were reading, and suddenly Maggie stopped walking around and waved at somebody. And?"

"She told me to wait because she wanted to say hi to... what was his name? Luke? Lee? Something with an 'L'," Marcus didn't even realize he said it. "Then I went back on my reading."

Emily gasped. She patted the boy on the head. "Very good, Marcus. You can open your eyes now," She said. "You're really great."

The boy smiled happily. "I like this game. Can we play again some time?" He asked. When Emily nodded, the boy gave her a small hug and let Emily took him downstairs to his parents. He climbed onto his mother's lap and hugged her tight.

"Your son has been a great help, Mrs. Wilson," Emily said. "Thank you. We're leaving now. Thanks a lot for your time." They shook hands with one another. Emily earned a wave from the little boy and she felt so warm.

Soon as they left the house, she was all business again. "Call Hotch. The children knew the Unsub," She told JJ. She took out her phone and dialled Garcia's direct line. And after a little witty banter with the tech goddess, Emily asked her to search for Luke or Lee something that fitted the profile.

They reached the car; Emily sat in the passenger seat. She needed to think. She was so deep in thought that she was surprised by a light touch on her arm. She snapped her head to look at the woman beside her.

"You did a good job, Emily," JJ said. "I'm so proud of you." The blonde smiled. She started the ignition and drove away, proud of herself for being able to hold her tongue before the last words came out: And you really look beautiful when you interact with the kid.

Emily managed an "Oh, thank you" and she was back on her thought – only this time, it's not about the case at all.

"Music heard in the heart is voiceless"

-Rosemary Dobson-


	16. Chapter 16

"Give me life, give me pain, give me myself again."

-Tori Amos-

.

The team tried to work as fast as they could. Within an hour after Emily called her, Garcia had managed to narrow down their suspects to three men: a Brandon Luke – drug dealer, a Lucas Woodrow – who was sent to jail for raping his cousin, and an Allan-Lee Hendell – a former child-trafficker. The computer tech had sent them the files when Reid called in and told them that there was a high possibility that their Unsub was in his late twenties.

"This just doesn't make sense!" Morgan exclaimed angrily. He was beyond frustrated. "Late twenties? These guys here are at least in their early fifties!" The dark man smacked his fist against the table, making JJ jump a little.

The blonde was reading one of the files Garcia sent them. She agreed with Morgan that none of them fitted their profile. She closed the file and sighed. "Did Reid get anything else from the footage?"

Morgan shook his head. "Pretty much nothing. The Unsub walked away with the kid. He probably parked his car somewhere else. Reid had sent Garcia a blurry picture of him. Let's just hope she can do her magic," he replied. As if on cue, the fax machine at the corner of the room beeped and rolled out a picture. Morgan took it and handed it to Hotch, who stood up in a hurry.

"JJ, prepare a conference. Give them information about the Unsub, and make sure to show them the picture," Hotch commanded. He didn't want to waste any more time.

"I'm on it!" JJ answered quickly, dialling some numbers as she walked out of the room.

"Prentiss, Morgan, go back to the crime scene. Ask people if they've seen this guy before," Hotch said. He quickly called Detective Landon and told him about it.

Emily took her coat and followed Morgan to the car. They walked past JJ on the way out. The blonde was busy talking to the local public relation officer. Emily strode without a single glance. She needed all her focus on the case – it wasn't the right time to think of JJ mixed signals. But just before she walked away, a gentle tug on her sleeve stopped her. JJ was looking at her in the eyes.

"Be careful," The blonde whispered. Her blue eyes darkened with emotions. She wanted to be the one who went with Emily but that wasn't her job. She had her own work to do. She tightened her grip on Emily's arm for a second before letting go. She had to force herself to stop looking at Emily. You're so in big trouble, Jareau! She said to herself. This time, even the ever-nagging voice that kept reminding her about Will – about her sexuality – was nowhere to be heard.

Emily climbed up to the passenger seat without saying anything to Morgan. The man kept glancing at her with a curious look. They still hadn't spoken yet since the previous night, but the man was happy to see that at least Emily didn't look as if she was going to explode anymore. The dark man couldn't stop himself from thinking about what he saw earlier before they left the station. Something was going on between JJ and Emily. He knew that they were best friends, but he was almost certain that there was something more about it. He could see it in JJ's eyes. It can't be... Morgan shook the thought away before he could finish it. Don't be such a jerk, Derek! He reminded himself.

A couple of hours later Emily climbed back to the car – exhausted and clearly frustrated. She couldn't believe that no one remembered seeing Maeghan Wilson walking with a stranger. People can be so ignorant, she thought forlornly. She closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose. Her headache had worsened by the heat. She needed more coffee. Her eyes snapped open as she heard Morgan climbed into the car hurriedly. "Anything?"

"An old lady said she saw a man that looked exactly like our Unsub got into a maroon SUV with a little girl at the intersection two blocks from here. She said that the little girl didn't look scared or in trouble, like she was having a ride with her father. Two blocks! No wonder Reid couldn't find the car anywhere from the footage around here," Morgan said as he drove away. "I've called Rossi to get the videos. You got anything?"

Emily shook her head. "Zip. They didn't see anything. Some of them even refused to see the picture although they said they know the Wilsons personally," Emily said. "I can't believe how ignorant people can be. They just don't care – they don't want to care." She felt anger crept up her head. It was so easy for her to get angry lately, and she didn't like it.

The dark profiler glanced at his colleague worriedly. He still thought that it was a mistake, calling Emily back to work this case. The woman was still too fragile in the mind. He thought about Elle and shuddered, giving Emily another glance. First Elle, then Gideon. Was it Emily's turn?

Emily's phone rang. She picked it up on the second ring. "Yeah, Reid?"

"Emily, I found the SUV. It was registered to a Benjamin Rodgers, deceased. I have asked Garcia to dig everything about him, but for now, here's the address," Reid informed them. Emily repeated the address to Morgan.

The dark man stepped on the gas. They arrived in no time. Emily was ready to jump out of the car as he stopped the vehicle, but Morgan stopped her. Their last 'raid' was a disaster and he didn't want that to happen again. "Prentiss!" He called. "No funny business. You follow my lead," he said sternly, ignoring the look of hurt on the woman's face.

Emily frowned sadly. She should have known better than to think that Morgan would trust her again that fast. She got out of the car without any words, slamming the door shut. The brunette waited for Morgan to walk to the house and followed him. She kept her mouth shut throughout the whole talking with a young woman, who, apparently, rented the house from Benjamin Rodgers' son, Alex. Morgan asked the woman if she knew Alex Rodgers' whereabouts but she said the last time she heard from him was about a month ago, when his sister was hospitalized, after that Alex didn't come anymore.

The tall man showed her the picture they had and the woman said it could be Alex, but she couldn't be too sure because of the cap. Morgan thanked her and gave her his card before leaving. He noticed that Emily hadn't said anything at all. And she wasn't usually like that. The woman was usually very proactive in questioning a potential witness, and she was always able to think of good questions to ask. He looked at her and saw nothing but a mask of professionalism. He felt rather guilty for reprimanding his friend like that and he wanted to apologize. He voiced his apology when they were back in the car and received only a simple nod from the woman. He sighed, Garcia is so gonna kill me.

"Alex Rodgers, twenty-nine. Currently unemployed. His parents died in an accident two years ago and he was left to take care of his little sister, Jacqueline, twelve years old. A couple of months ago she got an accident that left her in a coma. She was hospitalized for three weeks and was released because their insurance couldn't cover it. There's no trace of the whereabouts of the siblings since," Garcia read out what she found. "There's no death certificate for any Jacqueline Rodgers anywhere, so I guess the sister is still alive."

"Wow, this man has a lot to deal with," JJ said. "Thanks a lot, Garcia." She hung up.

Rossi stopped writing in his notebook. "Well, I guess now we know what the trigger might be. Losing his parents at the same time, having to take care of a comatose sister, it was a lot – almost too much – for such a young man," he said. "And now that we know he has a sister around the victims' age, there is a possibility that they know him because they knew his sister."

"I don't think so," Hotch disagreed. "The kids didn't even know one another. And remember that Maeghan Wilson is homeschooled." The unit chief skimmed at the files. "Rodgers had been switching jobs for several years. Let's see if we can get something out of his former employers. I'll go to the first job on the list – day care center. Come on," he said.

Everyone moved from their chair. Emily was the last person to rise from her seat. She had kept silent during the briefing. There was no need for her to speak; after what happened two days before, everyone must think that she would somehow manage to blow the case. She heard someone called her, she turned.

Rossi was standing by the door, staring at her. "Wanna go with me?" He offered nicely. He noticed that Emily hadn't said a word since she came back from Rodgers' house.

Emily opened her mouth to say yes, but before she could say it, a soft voice answered behind the Italian agent, "Emily is going with me, Rossi." Rossi turned and saw JJ standing in front of the door, smiling sweetly towards him. "Guess you have to go alone."

The senior agent chuckled. He waved at the two ladies and went his way. JJ leaned on the doorframe, waiting for Emily to move. And when the brunette looked at her with a furious look, JJ stepped into the briefing room. "Let's go," she called.

Emily was beyond angry. She had had enough. "Would you just stop that?" She snapped. When JJ gave her a confused look she added, "Putting words into my mouth! I am capable of deciding what I want to do."

"I'm not..." JJ replied confusedly. "Of course you are. No one says you aren't capable of doing so."

"Then stop all the 'I'll go with Emily' thing! What? Did Hotch tell you to babysit me? To make sure that I didn't do anything stupid? Well I didn't!" She said in a loud voice. "Don't pretend that you care! I know that you're all think that I might break at some point – that you guys should watch my back!"

JJ sighed. She closed the door behind her. This wasn't going to be easy. "Emily, no one asked me to babysit you or anything. I just want to work together with you," she explained patiently. "And I do care. I really do," more than you know, she added silently. "What happened to you? Why are you so angry?" The blonde stepped closer, invading Emily's personal space.

"It's none of your business," the brunette snarled. "Just... leave me alone, okay? I don't need anyone to babysit me!" She pushed JJ aside and walked to the door. She swung the thing open and before she walked out, she said icily, "And please stop pretending that you are okay with me being gay, 'cause I know you're not." With that last statement, Emily left, leaving JJ standing with a confused and hurt look.

This is so not happening, JJ thought, panicking. She regained her composure and chased Emily to the parking lot. "JJ, you're stupid!" She growled to herself.

Place: Somewhere unknown

Maeghan Wilson had finally managed to stop the uncontrollable sobs. She was hurt and so terrified. Her body ached and there were bruises everywhere. The linoleum floor beneath her was so cold and she shivered, only to feel more pain on her whole body. She cried again. "Alex?" She called between her sobs. "Please, I want to go home..." She pleaded. The little girl choked as she tried to stop herself from sobbing – because even the sob hurt so much. "Please..."

Her body jerked back when she heard someone walked on the other side of the door. The room was pitch dark if the door was closed. She tried to move herself away as far as possible from the door as she heard it being unlock. She blinked a couple of times when a glimmer of light entered the room as the door flung open. A man walked inside, stopping just a few inches before her, and squatted.

The dark haired girl flinched when the man reached out and touched her face. She suppressed her instinct to scream and kick and beg and forced herself to be very still. She had screamed, and kicked, and begged earlier. And all she got was more beating. The hand that touched her face was cold and calloused. A sob escaped her throat and the hand stopped dead on its track. Maeghan waited for a blow but it never happened.

Alex stood up, eyeing her tentatively before turning away and left. Maeghan eyes fell and she began to lose her consciousness. The last thing she heard was "We've got a strong one, Jackie," and everything went black.

.

"You know that saying, bad things don't happen to good people? That's a lie"

-Tori Amos-


	17. Chapter 17

"Remembered and afar I watched you as I watched a star, through darkness struggling into view and I love you better than you knew."

-Elizabeth Akers Allen-

.

JJ ran to the parking lot looking around desperately to find Emily. She took a couple steps back when she caught a glimpse of a certain brunette unlocking the door of a black SUV. "Emily!" She called. The older woman deliberately ignored her and climbed up to the car. JJ quickened her steps. She stood in front of the car, blocking its way so that Emily wouldn't be able to drive away unless she ran her over. "Emily Prentiss, get off the car now!" She said in a loud voice. She looked right into Emily's eyes through the windshield. JJ knew that they were going to make a scene – if they hadn't already, but she really didn't care. She was tired of being shut out and shunned away without knowing why. She knew that Emily would not run her over, and she knew that the brunette would have to talk to her whether she liked it or not.

Emily gritted her teeth. JJ was determined to talk to her and even if she could make the world swallow her, she knew that the blonde would chase her down and have the conversation she wanted. She hated how she was so vulnerable in front of JJ when she turned off the engine and got off of the car. She hated everything about JJ and she loved everything about the woman – and the paradox made her want to weep. "What do you want? Don't you realize that we're on a case?" She snapped out of frustration.

"I do. It seems that you're the one who doesn't realize it," JJ replied icily. "What the hell do you think you were doing? Shooting your anger anywhere like that – how do you think it would help us solve the case?"

Emily didn't answer. She turned her back and climbed back to the car. JJ grabbed her arm and made her look at the icy blue eyes again.

"Don't you dare walking away from me, Prentiss!" She snarled angrily. "I'm tired of you shutting me out. We used to be able to have a civilized conversation about anything, and now, I can't even talk to you without you being angry or offended. What changed? Why do you shut me out like this?"

The brunette groaned. "You wanted a civilized conversation? Here? In the parking lot?" She said cynically. She broke free from JJ's burning grip and leaned on the car. "Okay, let's have your so-called civilized conversation then."

The press liaison sighed. She was desperate to make Emily realize that she really cared for her – that she wanted to understand. "Emily, please. Stop making everything so difficult. You've been jumping on my throat all the time and I don't even know what my fault is!" JJ pleaded.

Emily snickered. "Jumping on your throat, huh? I was thinking of jumping you... but certainly nowhere around your throat," the woman retorted. She saw that JJ was a little surprised by her comment and she added, "What? You were the one who insisted to talk to me. Can't even take a sexual comment from your gay friend? Oh, my bad. You don't consider me your friend anymore."

"Oh, would you just stop doing that to yourself?!" JJ snapped furiously. "I am not your problem, Emily. Can't you see that it's you that hurt yourself with all those stupid thoughts? You are your own problem. For God's sake, I don't even care that you're gay!"

"You don't care at all! Period!" Emily yelled. She didn't care if someone heard her. "Why should you? You have yourself a fiancé and a perfect son and a perfect fucking team to back you up!"

JJ didn't even realize what she was doing until it was too late. Her palm stung and hot and she looked at Emily who looked at her with a horrified look. She slapped the older woman. "Em.. Emily.. I'm so sorry!" She stuttered, taking one step towards Emily.

The brunette didn't move. Her cheek was bright red and hot from the slap. "Thank you, Agent Jareau. I think you made your point," she whispered. "I believe you don't have anything else to say? Now can I go back to work?"

The blonde shook her head. She reached out to Emily and felt her heart crushed when the woman flinched at her touch. "Emily, please don't do that... I didn't mean to hurt you," she said tearfully. "I... I just wanted to make you understand..."

"And I do understand," Emily cut her in.

"No, you don't. You understand what you want to understand, not the truth," JJ said.

"And what's the truth, Jennifer? That you hate me so much because I ruined our friendship? That you hate me so much for making fun of your relationship with that LaMontagne guy? That you hate me so much for kissing you? For falling in love with you?" Emily totally lost it. She spoke without even realizing it. She never thought that JJ would ever slap her like that – although deep in her heart she knew she deserved it.

JJ didn't know what else to do to stop Emily from torturing herself. She grabbed Emily by the front of her blouse and closed the space between them, pressing her lips to Emily's, silencing the brunette. She felt the softness of the brunette's lips against her and her heart skipped a beat.

The kiss broke as fast as it started. Emily looked at the blonde bewilderedly. Never in her life had she imagined kissing JJ – and yet she did – and never in her life had she dreamt JJ would ever kiss her – and yet the blonde just did so.

"That, Emily Prentiss," JJ whispered. Her lips were just an inch from Emily's. "Is one of the truths you don't want to understand." She let go of Emily and walked away. She was shaking all over, because she didn't know what came over her – kissing Emily like that. But I don't regret it, she said to herself.

The profiler stood motionlessly, watching as JJ walked away. "JJ," She called with a hoarse voice, when she finally able to speak. The blonde stopped, looking over her shoulder without turning back. "Why did you do that?"

JJ's first reaction was to say that she didn't know but she knew that it would hurt Emily. She picked her words carefully. "Because I want you to – for once – shut your mouth and listen to me," she said calmly. She turned over but did not move. She placed her hand on her hip. "I have issues to deal with, too. But unlike you, I refuse to let my issues control me. Having issues doesn't mean that you have the right to snap at people and be self-centered," she continued. "You're right. This is not the right time to talk. We have a case to solve. But we'll talk. Later. And I swear to God, Emily, I'll hunt you down if you dare running away from me." She turned back and left the tall profiler standing alone in the empty parking lot.

Emily stared at JJ's figure until the blonde entered the station. She climbed back into her car and started the ignition. She was confused. What the hell was that?

Hotch began to feel irritated. He had waited for more than half an hour – after flashing his badge and telling the receptionist that it was an emergency – and the manager hadn't come to see him yet. "Where is your manager?" He asked again, more sternly now. "Don't you realize that a child's life is in danger?"

"I'm sorry, Sir. But he's on the phone and he asked you to wait," the young woman replied. She was scared of the man in front of her but she was also afraid of her manager.

"The hell with that!" Hotch said. He walked past the receptionist to the door with a big name tag attached on it. The dark haired man didn't even bother himself to knock. He waited long enough to give the ignorant bastard the courtesy of his manner. "Mr. Sterling, I'm Special Agent Aaron Hotchner from the FBI. I would like to ask you about one of your former employees," he stated without waiting. "Please hang up now or I'll do it for you."

Brennan Sterling was in his mid-fifties. He was rather bald and a bit overweight. He was always treated with respect and he was surprised to see someone entering his office without permission, let alone saying those things to him. Appalled as he was, he voluntarily hung up the phone.

"Please have a sit, Sir," Hotch ordered. He was all business. He told the old man the reason why he was there and about what he wanted to know. "Would you mind looking at your old records and tell me about this Alex Rodgers?" He ended his enquiry.

Hotch's demeanor was far from threatening, but the man in front of him was far too scared of him. He typed as fast as he could and called someone to bring him some files. "I don't really remember this Alex guy. It's been five or six years since he quitted," Sterling said nervously.

"It's okay, tell just tell me what you remember of him," Hotch replied, trying to lighten the situation. "So he wasn't fired or something?"

Sterling shook his head. "No, he wasn't. He was one of the sweetest guys; the kids loved him – they adored him and were broken hearted when he quitted," he stated. "Are you sure you are looking for Alex Rodgers?"

Hotch eyed the old man carefully. "Mr. Sterling, you just said that you 'don't really remember this Alex guy', but it seems to me that you remember him quite well," he said. "Is there something else you might remember?"

The manager stuttered; beads of perspirations formed on his forehead. "Umm… I didn't… I mean I only remember that he was one of the children's favorites' sitters." There was a soft knock on the door and Sterling was so relieved that he stood up and opened it himself. He took the file from an old lady, thanked her and closed the door. The man handed Hotch the folder without even bother opening it himself. "That's everything we have on Alex."

Hotch skimmed it. Nothing he hadn't known already. He sighed. The unit chief was about to rise from his seat when suddenly something came across his mind. "Mr. Sterling, do you happen to log everyone who uses your service in your computer?"

"Why, of course. We are professional. We keep our records well back to the last ten years, when we opened this business. Pretty busy since then but well…" He rambled.

"I'd like to see the clients' records back when Rodgers worked here, please. I'll keep it confidential, I promise," Hotch interrupted. He prayed his hunch would lead them to the right direction.

Again, the manager typed something on his computer. When he found what he was looking for, he printed it and handed it to Hotch. "I really don't understand what's the connection between our old clients and Alex Rodgers," he said.

The unit chief practically ignored him. His hawk-like eyes skimmed as fast as possible down the very long list. Then something caught his attention. His eyes widened but he said nothing. The tall profiler rose from his seat, thanked the bald man for his cooperation and left. He reached his phone as soon as he was in his car. "JJ? It's Hotch. I think I know where the victims know the Unsub. Call everyone; tell them to get back to the station ASAP."

Place: Somewhere Unknown

Maeghan stirred. She forced her eyes open but she couldn't see anything. She didn't move. She didn't know how long she had been unconscious and she was scared. She felt another urge to cry and she felt her tears forced their way out of her eyes, leaving wet streaks on her bruised and bloodied cheeks. She made no sound – she knew better than to inform Alex that she was awake. But it was a useless act. She heard footsteps and the door clicked open. Maeghan closed her eyes as fast as she could, pretending to be asleep.

Rodgers walked towards the little girl, looking down at her. He knew that Maeghan was awake. He could sense it. Living with Jackie made him aware of every movement, even the slightest ones. He squatted next to the dark haired girl and pulled the long hair to see her face more clearly. "I know you're awake, Mags. You can't fool me," he said coldly. "Open your eyes and look at me!" He commanded.

Maeghan was too afraid not to obey it. She opened her eyes, shivering from the cold and the fear. "I want to go home," she pleaded with cracked voice. "I won't tell. Please, Alex. I won't tell." She closed her eyes as he slapped her.

"Jackie didn't say a thing when that boy bludgeoned her, not a word," Rodgers whispered in a dangerous tone. "She didn't say a word when he pushed her down that stairs."

The little girl whimpered. She didn't know who the 'Jackie' he kept mentioning and she didn't know why Alex wanted to hurt her. "I won't tell," she repeated as if she was saying a mantra. "Please let me go."

"Didn't you just hear me? I said Jackie didn't say a word! And you shouldn't, either!" He yelled. "Now shut up!" The young man left her and slammed the door. "If you say another word…" He shouted as he walked away.

Maeghan bit her lips – trying her best not to make a sound. I want my Mommy, she cried silently. I want to go home.

.

"You must live through the time when everything else hurts."

-Stephen Spender-


	18. Chapter 18

"When you stop putting yourself on the line, and you don't touch your own heart, how do you expect to touch other people?"

-Tori Amos-

.

The team prepared themselves for the raid. Morgan provided them useful information he got from one of the Rodgers' old friends. The young man told them that Rodgers' grandfather had left him an old barn about ten miles from where the victims were found. It was a secluded place – people passing by wouldn't notice it if they didn't know it was there. Garcia located it in less than five minutes.

"I hope she's still alive," Morgan said grimly to Emily, who was busy fastening her Kevlar. He was still trying to make amends to Emily for being so harsh towards her earlier, keep trying to make small conversations with her.

"She is," Emily replied without thinking. She raised her head and looked at Morgan right in the eyes. "She'd better be." She turned her back and left. She wasn't in the least angry with Morgan – not anymore. She just didn't want to think of the possibility of the child being dead. She needed her to be alive; for the kid's family, for Marcus, and – even though she didn't want to admit it, for herself. If she were to resign after the case, she wanted to go leaving a smile on Marcus Wilson's face.

"Emily," JJ called her as she was walking out of the front door. Emily turned and her eyes widened when she saw JJ wearing a Kevlar. "Wait up," The blonde said. She walked towards Emily, who obediently waited by the door. As she reached the brunette, JJ asked worriedly, "You okay?"

The older woman held back a cynical retort before she could say it. She knew JJ would not appreciate her being a bitch now. "Yeah, why?" She asked instead.

JJ shrugged. "You look so serious," she replied. It wasn't that, but she didn't want to push Emily. The last thing they both needed then was for Emily to snap again before the raid.

Emily sighed. "We're going to raid the Unsub's place, JJ. Of course I look serious," was her reply. They both walked side by side to where the cars were parked. "I don't know what I will do if Maeghan isn't alive," Emily finally said. Her voice was full of raw emotions that JJ wanted to hold her and tell her everything would be fine – but she didn't know that. The profiler stopped walking and looked at the blonde beside her, she didn't hide her emotions. "And I'm not sure I'm happy that you're going."

"It's not my first time on a raid, Emily," JJ said calmly. She took Emily's hand and was a little surprised at how cold it was. "I can take care of myself. I promise," she tried to reassure her.

Emily gave her a small smile. They walked in silence. Emily chose the first car and she climbed to the back seat, followed by JJ. Hotch was behind the wheel. He, too, looked serious. "Where's Rossi?" Emily asked. It was a bit unusual that the senior agent didn't ride with Hotch.

"He left already with Detective Landon," Hotch said. "They promised to wait for backup." The unit chief said it lightly, almost without thinking. Then he remembered and mentally smacked himself for saying it. He glanced at Emily and was a bit relieved to see the woman didn't seem to listen to him. But JJ's glare sent a chill down his spine. He nodded apologetically and received a small nod in reply.

Place: Rodgers' barn

Maeghan was thirsty. She was hungry, too, but she needed water the most. She glanced around tiredly. It was too dark to see anything. Her body ached so much she couldn't move even if she wanted to. She cried too much and now she lost her voice. She couldn't say a word louder than a whisper. She closed her eyes again, trying to stop thinking of her family. Every time she remembered she would cry and Alex would bang on the door angrily. She was afraid of the man and she shuddered involuntarily when she remembered the beating.

Flash back:

"Where are we?" Maeghan asked as the car stopped in front of a battered building. She got off the car and waited for Alex. She was so happy to see the man again. He was her favorite sitter back when she was little. "Is this your home?"

Alex didn't reply. He looked at Maeghan with a weird look. "How old are you now, Mags?" He asked, as he led her inside the house. "Eleven? Twelve?"

"Huh? I'm ten. You forget?" Maeghan replied, looking around the house with curiosity only a child would own. She raised her left arm; a silver bracelet circled her wrist. "My Grandma gave it to me last January, on my birthday," she announced proudly. The little girl didn't see the stairs in front of her, didn't see it coming – a blow that sent her tumbling down the stairs into the darkness.

Maeghan gasped. She forced herself to open her eyes. She bit her lower lip till it bled to stop a scream from escaping. Towering in front of her was Alex; eyes filled with fury. The man held a baseball bat in his hand.

"What did I say about not saying a word, Maeghan?" he hissed.

Maeghan shook her head, trying her best not to speak. She mouthed 'I'm sorry' over and over again, without really making a sound. Somehow in her fear she could force her body to move away from the man. As he was reaching to grab her, she heard a loud bang somewhere upstairs.

Alex stopped dead in his track. He squatted and put a finger on his mouth. "Not a word," he whispered threateningly. He walked out of the room and locked it again.

"Alex Rodgers? Alex Rodgers! Open the door!" Hotch yelled at the front door.

Everyone was at their position: JJ and Morgan circling the barn with some locals, Emily and Reid were at the back door; Hotch and Rossi were at the front door.

"Hotch, the back door isn't locked," Emily whispered to her comm.

"Don't even think about it," Hotch replied. He banged at the door again. "Alex Rodgers, FBI! Open the door!"

When nobody answered, Hotch sent them an order, "On three... one, two..."

Emily opened the door before Hotch even got to 'two'. Reid followed closely behind her. They walked as discreetly as possible. "He's got to be somewhere around..."

"Emily, look out!" Reid cried as he saw a baseball bat swung towards his friend. He pulled Emily by the back of her Kevlar but he wasn't fast enough. She was hit on the arm. Both of them fell and a tall figure ran past them.

Hotch cursed when he heard Reid's voice. Everyone rushed inside and they saw Emily and Reid on the floor. Reid was holding Emily's arm. "He's running away!" He shouted, pointing at the back door.

Hotch squatted next to Emily. "You hurt?" he asked as everyone else ran through the back door. Emily nodded, motioning him to chase the Unsub. Hotch didn't look sure, but he went away anyway.

"Reid, we have to look for Maeghan!" Emily said. The pain on her arm was blinding her; she was sure it was broken but it was not her priority now. She asked Reid to help her stand up. They looked around the house separately. Reid went upstairs and Emily stayed on the first floor. She spotted a door to the basement and she told Reid she was going downstairs. Emily walked slowly. "Maeghan?" She called. "Maeghan Wilson?"

Maeghan didn't reply when she heard a female voice calling for her. She was scared. What if it was the 'Jackie' that Alex kept mentioning earlier? What if the woman was going to hurt her more? She curled up against the wall, trying to make herself as small as possible.

Emily raised her flash light with her uninjured hand. "Maeghan Wilson, can you hear me? It's FBI," the brunette repeated. She flashed the flash light to the corners and saw nothing. "Maeghan?!" She sighed desperately. Emily almost walked back upstairs when she heard a small voice somewhere in the basement. Again she flashed her light but saw nothing. She frowned. "Maeghan? Is that you?"

The little girl was relieved when she heard the word 'FBI'. She wasn't stupid. "I'm down here," She tried to scream with her hoarse voice. Her throat was hurting her as she spoke, but if it was her chance to go home; then let it be hurt forever. "I'm down here," She sobbed now.

The brunette didn't realize that she was standing on a door. She stumbled on the handle and cursed. No wonder she couldn't find anything but walls in the room. The prison was inside the floor. "A storm cellar in the basement, how twisted is that?" She asked herself. The woman looked everywhere for the key and, finally losing her patience, shot the lock with her gun. She heard a scream down there and she said, "It's okay, it's okay, I'm just trying to open it!"

Maeghan didn't move when the door was opened. She didn't move when a tall woman climbed down the stairs into the small room. The woman held her flash light up in order not to hurt her sensitive eyes. She flinched when the woman squatted in front of her.

"Hey," Emily whispered. "I was looking for you." She held out her hand, waiting for the little girl to accept it. "You're safe now, Maggie."

Something broke inside her. Maeghan reached out to Emily and cried. She clung to the woman, who patiently stroked her back and sat with her on the dirty floor. "I want to go home. I want to go home..." She said over and over again.

"It's okay, honey. Let it out. You're okay now," Emily whispered softly. She knew she should take the kid out of that room. But with her injured arm, it would be a stupid idea to carry an injured child upstairs. So she waited. The other would notice the door she left ajar in the kitchen.

It was less than ten minutes before Hotch and Morgan found Emily down in the storm cellar with a sleeping Maeghan. They smiled in relieved. Hotch carried the child upstairs, and Morgan helped Emily.

The dark man explained everything that was to know as he half dragging Emily out of the cellar. One of the local shot Rodgers on the head, saying that he was aiming for his leg. Morgan laughed openly when Emily rolled her eyes. He was glad that Emily was fine. He was glad that Maeghan was fine.

"Em," JJ ran towards them when she saw them. "I've got her, Morgan," She said. Morgan let the blonde take over. He walked back to the house to help Reid.

"I'm okay, JJ. I can walk," Emily said. JJ was too close.

"I know. I just need a reason to hold you," JJ replied. When Hotch told her that Emily was injured she felt as if she was going to faint. She couldn't help but thinking about the Cyrus case, when Emily was badly beaten. "Let's get you home, Sweetie." She said, not realizing the use of the endearment term.

Emily nodded. She let the medics took her into the ambulance and gave her a shot. She closed her eyes and let herself fall into the deep slumber.

A week later...

"Hotch, do you have a minute?" Emily popped her head in Hotch's office. She still wore a sling to support her broken arm and she didn't like it. She kept telling her doctors to just take off the cast because it made her look stupid but the doctors were adamant to keep it for at least three weeks.

The unit chief raised his head from the case report he was reviewing. He stood up and motioned her agent to come in. "Hey, what are you doing here? I thought I told you to have a two-week leave."

"Yeah," Emily replied. She looked nervous. She felt nervous. She had spent her time thinking and she was tired of just doing it. "I need to talk to you about something," she said.

Hotch frowned, sensing that he would not like what Emily was going to say. And he was right. Emily didn't say anything. She took an envelope out of her back pocket and put the thing on the table, in front of him. "What's this?" He said, playing dumb.

"My resignation letter," Emily answered. "I decided to leave the BAU."

"May I ask why?" Hotch asked seriously. "Is it because of what happened in the last case? Emily, it was a mistake that I..."

Emily interrupted, "No, Hotch. It wasn't a mistake. I endangered the team by acting so recklessly. I compromised the case. But that's not the main reason why I decided to leave." She took a deep breath. She knew it wasn't easy. Hotch would want to know. And he really deserved to know, if only Emily knew how to tell him. "It's personal."

"Enlighten me," Hotch challenged. He didn't want to lose another member for a 'personal' reason again. Not after what happened to Elle and Gideon. He failed to understand Elle. He failed to give support to Gideon. He would not let himself make the same mistake again. "Even if it will take days for me to understand, I will try."

The brunette looked straight to Hotch's eyes. She sighed. She knew Hotch was serious. But how do you tell your boss that you're in love with your engaged colleague? How do you tell your boss that you made your colleague confused about her sexuality? There were no words in the world that could describe it. She took another deep breath. "I fell in love with one of the team members," There she said it. "And I have that person confused about loving me back."

The man didn't expect that kind of answers but he managed to keep his expression straight. "Emily, I know we have rules about inter-office relationship, but that doesn't mean that it can't happen," he explained. "I'm sure if he loves you back we can do something about it."

"Hotch," Emily called. When the unit chief looked at her nervously, she added, "Who said anything about a 'he'?"

Hotch didn't reply. He couldn't. He stared blankly, completely taken aback, by Emily's question. "Oh," Was his only reply.

Emily smirked. She stood up. "I'm glad I am given a chance to work with you and the team, Sir." She said. She opened the door and gasped to see JJ standing behind the door.

JJ beamed. She didn't expect to see Emily so soon. She had been busy with the case reports after they got back and she was busy straightening everything up with Will and herself. "Emily!" She said. "What are you doing here?" She peered inside and when she looked at Hotch's expression and an unopened envelope on his desk, her expression changed. She knew.

Emily excused herself before JJ could say another word. When a week went by without so much of a call from the blonde, she took the hint that JJ was back with her fiancé. That what she had said and done during their case was a moment of insanity, a false hope made by the stress.

"Emily, stop!" JJ ran after her. She blocked Emily's way before the older woman left the bullpen. Pairs of eyes were looking at them, but that was the last thing JJ cared about. She knew it was probably wrong for her not to try to contact Emily for a whole week. But she needed the time to think. "My office, now!" she commanded angrily. When Emily didn't budge, she whispered with gritted teeth, "You promised."

And a promise was a promise. Emily sighed. She followed JJ to her office.

.

"Love is a torment of the mind, a tempest everlasting."

-Samuel Daniels-


	19. Chapter 19

"Don't pity me now, don't pity me never."

-James Agate-

.

JJ waited until Emily had sat down before locking the door and, after a second thought, taking the key and putting it in her pocket. She sat behind her desk opposite Emily, eyeing the woman intensely with her blue eyes.

"I'm not going to run away," Emily stated irately.

JJ nodded. "I know. I just don't want anyone barging in while we speak," She replied. She saw how nervous Emily was and JJ wanted to reach out to the older woman and told her that everything was alright.

No one said anything for awhile. They were just staring at each other, wanting the other to make the first move – breaking the silence between them. Emily kept glancing at the door, somehow hoping that it would pop open by itself and set her free. She didn't want to talk. She didn't want to hear any words of pity and sorry from JJ. The blonde didn't contact her at all after they came back from the case. Not even a single text message was sent to her for a whole week. If that wasn't a clue of rejection, then Emily didn't know what that was.

"You're resigning," JJ finally said. It was a statement. An understanding. She wasn't questioning it because she knew. And it made her sad. If only Emily would stop thinking for the worst.

"Yes, I am," replied Emily, not knowing where this would lead.

The blonde sat straight. Knowing was one thing; Hearing the affirmation was another. "May I ask why?" She asked softly, hoping that Emily didn't catch the tremble on her voice.

"Why do you want to know?" Emily asked back. "I don't think it's any of your business." She kept her voice low, trying hard to look normal. Emily was too busy hiding her own emotions that she didn't see how tense the woman opposite her was.

JJ took a deep breath. She needed to keep calm, but she also needed to make Emily understand that being sarcastic would never solve their 'problems'. "Because I care. I know how you love your job; how you always wanted to be in the BAU. I know how you care about the team. I know that you think of the team as your family. So yes, as your family, I think I earned the right to know the reason why. You owe me that much."

"I don't owe you anything, Jennifer Jareau. But if you insist, okay. I'm bored. I want to do something more than just travelling everywhere, catching bad guys. I'm tired of all that. And I have got some good offers from some of my mother's connections," Emily said. What JJ had said was right. She loved the BAU. She loved her job. She loved her teammates. She glanced at JJ and her heart melted. She loved the woman before her too much and that was the real reason of her quitting.

"Is it so difficult for you to say it – the truth? That you quit because of me?" JJ said with a hint of sadness. "Do you hate me that much that you are willing to give up your dream job just so you can avoid me, Emily?"

Emily frowned. She was taken aback by JJ's words. "I don't hate you," Emily said. "I can never hate you."

The brown eyes in front of her looked so heartbreakingly sad that JJ wanted to hold Emily. "Then why are you quitting?" She asked again, desperate to hear Emily saying it herself. JJ rose from her chair. She sat on the desk, very close to Emily and she leaned in, taking Emily's hand in hers.

The brunette was mesmerized by the warmth of JJ's hands. She raised her head to meet JJ's deep blue eyes. "Because I'm not sure I can work with you," She finally admitted. "I'm not sure I can keep my sanity just looking at you every single day – knowing that you will never love me, knowing that I lost you forever." She hung her head low, biting her lower lip, hoping that she wouldn't cry.

JJ sighed. "Emily, look at me," She pleaded. "You know I love you. And I'm here. You don't lose me. You will never lose me."

"The problem is, JJ, you don't love me the way I love you," Emily whispered dejectedly.

The younger woman had to lean forward to catch what Emily was saying. Her voice was too soft, almost inaudible. JJ felt like her heart was ripped in two. If she had any doubts before, they were gone. She touched Emily's chin, asking the older woman to look at her. When Emily's eyes met hers, she asked softly – as if talking to a child, "The problem is, Honey, you don't know how much I love you."

"What?" Emily asked in confusion. She was startled by JJ's words and she was surprised by the term of endearment. They used some endearments in the past – when everything was taken as harmless flirts – but never serious.

JJ smiled to see the confused look on Emily's face. "I said I love you, Emily Prentiss. If only you stop yourself from running away from me for once, you'll know. How can you be so clueless when you're so smart?" She teased. Somehow she felt her mood lightened up for no reasons. "And yes, I said 'Honey'."

Emily didn't react. She stared blankly at JJ without saying a word. "What about Will and Henry?" Was the first thing she said after she found her voice back.

"You're not going to just say 'I love you' back and forget about it, are you?" JJ said, half smiling. She stood up and returned to her chair. She looked at Emily. "I have talked about it with Will. He wasn't happy about it. I didn't mention you but he said he knew – said he saw it in your eyes." She stopped, giving time for Emily to contemplate. After a while she continued. "Emily, I must say that I don't know what to do. I love Will. But I would be lying to myself if I say that I don't love you. I don't know how much I love Will; but I know for sure that I can't be without you." Again, JJ stopped. This time she wanted to give herself some time to think – to rephrase her words. "I never loved anyone as much as I love you now." She looked at Emily straight in the eyes.

Emily was speechless. JJ loved her. Not as a friend; not as a sister. JJ loved her. She opened her mouth to say something, but she let out a sob instead. Tears fell from her eyes, blurring her vision. She felt as if someone lifted the weight that had been weighing her heart down ever since JJ came back. Her body shivered uncontrollably as the waves of emotions swept through her. She felt JJ moved from her chair and took her into a soothing hug.

"Oh my Emily, it's okay Sweetie... let it out," she whispered.

And Emily did. She cried her heart out for a good half an hour, clinging tight to JJ as if for dear life. When the wave passed, Emily didn't let go. JJ's sweet scent overwhelmed her senses and the warmth of her body calmed her. "What do we do now?" She asked hoarsely. She felt JJ taking a deep breath, adjusting her sitting position so that she could see Emily's face.

"I don't know, Emily. I've never been in love with a woman before and I have to admit that it scares me a little," the younger woman answered.

"You're in love? With me?" Emily asked in amazement. She sat up straight and looked at the blue eyes before her.

JJ gave her a smile. "Is it so hard to believe?" She returned the question. "I am. And yes, Sweetheart, with you. And before you ask: No, I don't know when I began to realize that I love you. And no, I can't explain why."

Emily leaned forward, kissing JJ on the cheek. "Thank you, Jennifer," She whispered.

JJ returned the kiss with a brief kiss – on the lips. Before the second kiss began, they were interrupted by the loud ring of the phone. JJ smirked and picked the phone up.

"What the hell just happened?" Garcia bellowed before JJ could say a word. "Do you realize that there is a security camera in your office?"

"Oh, oops!" JJ said, glancing at the security camera – laughing.

"'Oops'?! Reid was here and he nearly had a heart attack when he saw you kissing! 'Oops'?!" roared the computer tech. "I'm going to cut the feed off. You owe me!" She slammed the phone back, grinning. "Yes!"

Emily frowned. "Who's that?" She asked worriedly. If someone saw them kissing and reported them, it would be the end of career for both of them.

"It's just Garcia," She said when she finally able to stop laughing. She almost laughed again when she saw Emily's eyes widened. "Don't worry about her. Now, don't you have something to do?" The brunette shook her head, she didn't understand. JJ walked to the door, unlocking it. "You're still quitting? I believe it's time for you to go to Hotch's office and take back that stupid resignation letter – 'cause I'm not going to let you quit."

"Bossy much?" Emily asked, raising her eyebrows. She walked to the door but JJ didn't move. She was still standing between the door and Emily.

"I'm not sorry I love you, Emily. You should know that," She said. She gave Emily another kiss before opening the door. She made sure that Emily was heading to the unit chief's office before closing the door behind her. There's no turning back now. Even if there is, I am not going to turn back, JJ said to herself.

.

"If I had the ability to change what I had done in my past, the only thing I wouldn't change is the moment I fell in love with you."

-A.J-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the end! Omg, I'm so sorry I didn't update on here for so long!
> 
> btw, the last quote was mine :)
> 
> Thanks for reading, folks. Love you all.


End file.
